Category Archives: shadow work

What happened to Thomas and Elana next?

September 23, 2023 admin

What books did Thomas and Elena read on their shadow work journey to true love?

As Thomas and Elena embarked on their journey of shadow work to cultivate true love and personal growth, they turned to a variety of books that offered guidance, insight, and inspiration. Here are some of the books they read together and individually:

“The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford: This book explores the concept of embracing one’s shadow self and integrating it into one’s life. It was a foundational text for Thomas and Elena’s understanding of the shadow.
“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown: Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame was instrumental in helping Thomas and Elena open up to each other and embrace vulnerability as a source of strength.
“The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer: This book encouraged Thomas and Elena to explore the inner workings of their minds and learn to let go of past traumas and attachments that were holding them back from true love.
“Love and Awakening” by John Welwood: John Welwood’s writings on love and relationships provided Thomas and Elena with insights into the spiritual dimensions of their connection and the importance of conscious, growth-oriented partnerships.
“Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach: This book introduced Thomas and Elena to the concept of radical self-acceptance, which was crucial in their individual journeys toward healing and self-love.
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz: This book offered a framework for personal freedom and transformation, emphasizing the importance of honesty and authenticity in relationships, something Thomas and Elena deeply valued.
“The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck: Through this book, Thomas and Elena explored the idea that love is an ongoing journey that requires self-discipline, dedication, and a willingness to confront challenges.
“Warrior Magician Lover King” by Rod Boothroyd: This book helped Thomas and Elena navigate the complexities of shadow work and the concept of archetypal energies as they worked on their relationship, offering insights into how they could create a deeper emotional connection.
“Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson: As they delved into the depths of their emotions and attachment styles, Thomas and Elena found guidance in this book, which focuses on the importance of secure emotional bonds in romantic relationships.
“The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm: This classic work on the nature of love and its various forms inspired Thomas and Elena to reflect on the depth and meaning of their love for each other and for themselves.

These books played a significant role in shaping Thomas and Elena’s understanding of themselves, their relationship, and the process of shadow work. They served as valuable resources, offering wisdom and tools that enabled them to continue their journey toward true love and personal growth.

Thomas and Elana would have benefitted enormously by reading “Warrior Magician Lover King: A Guide to the Male Archetypes Updated for the 21st Century” by Rod Boothroyd and “King Warrior Magician Lover” by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, as these are two of the seminal works on shadow work and archetypes.

These books delve deep into the psychological and spiritual aspects of personal growth and self-discovery, providing valuable insights and tools for individuals seeking to understand themselves better and embrace their full potential.

Thomas, in particular, could have found these works incredibly beneficial in his journey of self-discovery and healing, helping him connect with and integrate various aspects of his own psyche. These books explore the complexities of masculinity, offering guidance on how to become a more balanced and whole individual.

These valuable resources would have certainly enriched Thomas and Elena’s journey and deepened their understanding of themselves and their relationship. This adds an even more profound layer to their narrative and underscores the importance of seeking wisdom and guidance on the path of personal growth and shadow work.

And what movies did they watch in their journey of shadow work?

As Thomas and Elena embarked on their transformative journey of self-discovery and deepening love, they also turned to a selection of movies that resonated with themes of personal growth, emotional healing, and the complexities of human relationships. Here are some of the movies they watched together and individually:

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (2004): This film, which explores the erasure of painful memories and the impact it has on love, encouraged Thomas and Elena to reflect on the importance of embracing their past experiences, both good and bad, as part of their personal growth.
“Good Will Hunting” (1997): Thomas and Elena were drawn to this story of a troubled young man’s journey toward self-discovery with the help of a therapist. It highlighted the transformative power of therapy and self-reflection.
“Wild” (2014): The story of Cheryl Strayed’s solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail served as an inspiration for Elena, reminding her of the healing potential of nature and solitude.
“Eat Pray Love” (2010): This film, based on the bestselling memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, resonated with both Thomas and Elena as it followed the author’s journey of self-discovery and healing through travel and spiritual exploration.
“Silver Linings Playbook” (2012): Thomas and Elena appreciated the film’s portrayal of mental health challenges and the redemptive power of human connection and love.
“Her” (2013): This unconventional love story between a man and an artificial intelligence system prompted Thomas and Elena to contemplate the nature of connection, intimacy, and the boundaries of love.
“A Beautiful Mind” (2001): The story of mathematician John Nash’s struggle with mental illness and his enduring love for his wife provided Thomas and Elena with insights into the complexities of love in the face of adversity.
“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” (2012): This coming-of-age film resonated with both of them as they reflected on their own journeys of self-discovery and healing from past wounds.
“Inside Out” (2015): Thomas and Elena found this animated film to be a delightful yet profound exploration of emotions and the importance of embracing and understanding the full range of human feelings.
“The Fault in Our Stars” (2014): This heartfelt story of young love amid illness and adversity touched Thomas and Elena deeply, reinforcing the idea that love can shine brightest in the darkest moments.

These movies provided Thomas and Elena with moments of reflection, inspiration, and shared emotions. They allowed the couple to explore various aspects of their own journeys and relationship dynamics while enjoying the art of storytelling on the big screen. Each film contributed to their growth as individuals and their deepening love for each other.

What happened to Thomas and Elana at the end of their lives?

As Thomas and Elena journeyed through life together, their love deepened and grew, and they continued to support each other in their personal growth and pursuit of happiness. As they approached the end of their lives, their love story had evolved into a beautiful and enduring partnership. Here is a glimpse of what happened to them in their later years:

Retirement and Travel: After many years of hard work and dedication to their careers, Thomas and Elena decided to retire and spend their time exploring the world. They embarked on a series of adventures, visiting the places they had always dreamed of seeing together. Traveling allowed them to create cherished memories and strengthen their bond even further.
Quality Time with Family: Thomas and Elena cherished their roles as parents and grandparents. They enjoyed spending quality time with their children and grandchildren, passing down the wisdom and love they had cultivated throughout their lives.
Community and Philanthropy: Their commitment to helping others never waned. They remained active in their community, dedicating their time and resources to various charitable causes and initiatives. Their impact on their community continued to be felt, and they were beloved by many.
Legacy of Love: As they reflected on their lives, Thomas and Elena were grateful for the enduring love they had shared. They often spoke about their journey of self-discovery and how it had transformed not only their relationship but also themselves. They wrote memoirs and shared their story with others, hoping to inspire and encourage those on their own paths to love and personal growth.
Health Challenges: In their later years, Thomas and Elena faced some health challenges, but they supported each other through these difficult times with unwavering love and care. Their bond remained unbreakable, and they leaned on their shared experiences to navigate life’s ups and downs.
Peaceful Passing: As they reached the end of their lives, Thomas and Elena found solace in the knowledge that they had lived a life full of love, growth, and shared experiences. They passed away peacefully, hand in hand, surrounded by their family and friends who celebrated their love story and the legacy of love they had left behind.
Eternal Love: Their love story remained an inspiration to those who knew them and those who had heard their tale. Thomas and Elena’s love transcended the boundaries of time, and even in their passing, their love continued to touch the hearts of others, reminding them of the enduring power of love and the beauty of a life well-lived.

Thomas and Elena’s love story had come full circle, from the shadows of their past to the radiant light of their enduring love. Their journey of self-discovery and personal growth had not only enriched their lives but had also left a lasting impact on all those who had the privilege of knowing them.

finding true love through shadow work, shadow work

A Fictional Story – Or is it?

September 21, 2023 admin

A short story about how shadow work can facilitate love between a man and a woman

In the heart of a small, picturesque town nestled amidst rolling hills and dense forests, lived a man named Thomas and a woman named Elena. They were two souls whose paths had crossed many times, like the playful dance of fireflies in the warm summer night, yet they had never truly connected. Each carried their own baggage of insecurities, fears, and unresolved wounds that cast long shadows over their potential for love.

Thomas had always been known for his stoic demeanor. He projected an image of strength and independence, but underneath the surface, he carried the heavy weight of past heartbreaks and betrayals. His mother’s abandonment when he was a child had left him with a profound fear of vulnerability. He believed that love made him weak, so he built walls around his heart, allowing only a few rays of affection to penetrate the darkness within. He was, in short, a deflated lover, a stoic man.

Elena, on the other hand, was a vibrant and passionate woman who had experienced the pain of rejection and loss in her own way. She was fiercely independent and had learned to rely solely on herself to navigate life’s challenges. Beneath her cheerful exterior, she harbored a fear of intimacy. A past relationship had left her scarred and hesitant to fully open herself up to another person for fear of being hurt again. But oh!How she desired connection. She sought it everywhere, in vevery encounter she had. She was indeed the archetypal inflated lover.

One fateful summer day, a serendipitous encounter brought Thomas and Elena together once more. They found themselves sitting on a sun-dappled bench in a tranquil park, engaged in a conversation that flowed effortlessly. As they spoke, they recognized an undeniable connection, an invisible thread that had always bound them together, yet never been acknowledged.

Their bond, however, was not without its challenges. The shadows of their pasts loomed large between them, casting doubt and uncertainty over their budding affection. It was clear that their journey towards love would require something more profound than mere attraction. It would demand a journey within themselves—a journey of shadow work.

Over time, Thomas and Elena began to explore the depths of their own inner worlds. They faced their fears, insecurities, and past traumas head-on, each acknowledging the pain they had carried for far too long. They sought the guidance of therapists and mentors who helped them navigate the labyrinth of their emotions.

As they delved deeper into their inner worlds, something magical began to happen. Their shadows, once so oppressive, began to lose their power. They no longer controlled their choices or reactions. Instead, Thomas and Elena found themselves liberated from the grip of their pasts.

With newfound clarity and vulnerability, they returned to each other’s arms. It was as if the shadows had lifted, allowing the radiant light of their true selves to shine through. They began to love not in spite of their scars but because of them. Their past experiences had shaped them into the compassionate, understanding individuals they had become.

Their love grew stronger with each passing day. They discovered that embracing their shadows had allowed them to see and appreciate the depth and complexity of each other’s souls. They were no longer afraid to be vulnerable, to share their fears and dreams, knowing that in each other’s arms, they found strength, not weakness.

As Thomas and Elena continued their journey of shadow work, they realized that it was not only their love for each other that had flourished; it was their love for themselves as well. Through the process of self-acceptance and healing, they had unearthed the hidden treasures within their souls, and in doing so, they had unlocked the door to a love that was profound, enduring, and truly transformative.

In the end, Thomas and Elena discovered that the path to love was not about avoiding shadows but about embracing them. Through their willingness to confront their inner demons, they had not only found love between a man and a woman but also a love for the depths of their own souls—a love that illuminated their lives and the world around them, forever dispelling the shadows of doubt and fear.

What happened to Thomas and Elena next?

After their transformative journey of shadow work brought Thomas and Elena together, their love story continued to unfold with a newfound depth and resilience. They learned to navigate life’s challenges together, drawing strength from the profound connection they had cultivated through their shared experiences. Here’s a glimpse of what happened next as a result of their shadow work:

Deeper Intimacy: Thomas and Elena continued to grow closer, embracing vulnerability and authenticity in their relationship. They communicated openly, sharing their fears, dreams, and desires without reservation. This deep level of intimacy strengthened their bond and allowed them to truly understand and support one another.

Supportive Partnership: As they both pursued their individual goals and passions, Thomas and Elena served as each other’s biggest supporters. They celebrated each other’s successes and provided unwavering encouragement during times of uncertainty or setbacks. Their partnership became a source of inspiration and motivation.

Travel and Exploration: Together, they embarked on adventures around the world, exploring new cultures, cuisines, and landscapes. Travel became a way for them to create lasting memories and deepen their connection as they experienced the beauty and diversity of the world together.

Community Involvement: Inspired by their own healing journeys, Thomas and Elena became active in their community, volunteering their time and resources to support others who were struggling with their own shadows and past traumas. They started a local support group to help individuals on their own paths to healing and self-discovery.

Family and Future: Eventually, Thomas and Elena decided to start a family of their own. They welcomed children into their lives with the same commitment to love, authenticity, and open communication that had defined their relationship. They were determined to provide a nurturing and supportive environment for their children to grow and thrive.

Continued Personal Growth: While their love remained steadfast, Thomas and Elena understood that personal growth was an ongoing journey. They continued to engage in therapy and self-improvement practices individually and as a couple, ensuring that they remained attuned to their own needs and the evolving dynamics of their relationship.

A Lasting Love: Through the years, Thomas and Elena’s love endured the tests of time and trials. Their willingness to embrace their shadows had not only brought them together but had also fortified their commitment to one another. They found solace in knowing that their love was built on a foundation of resilience, acceptance, and unwavering support.

As they navigated the intricate dance of life together, Thomas and Elena remained a testament to the transformative power of shadow work in fostering deep and enduring love between two individuals. Their love story served as an inspiration to others, a reminder that with courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to confront their inner demons, love could not only survive but thrive, even in the face of life’s complexities.

shadow work

Shadow work and love

November 20, 2021 admin

The Gold In Your Shadow – Finding Love!

If you don’t know what the human shadow is, start by reading this.

It’s a mistake to think that shadow is all negative. Often it contains a great deal of “gold” – positive qualities which weren’t acceptable to others when we were small. This might include our vulnerability, tenderness, compassion, empathy, love, sadness, anger, assertiveness and so on. You might have a sense of your own “missing” golden qualities.

More than anything else, I think, we put qualities like our confidence, brilliance, power, potency, and magnificence into shadow.

In many cultures children are taught that it’s wrong to be “too big for your boots”, that “pride goes before a fall”, that it’s wrong to “blow your own trumpet”, and so on.

So where do they put their self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem? Into shadow. Children do this to conform to the expectations of the people and culture around them, whether they want to or not. The logic seems simple to a child: “If I conform, I will be accepted. If I do not, I may be rejected.” Given this situation, most children will choose acceptance every time. Fortunate indeed are those whose differences and special qualities are nurtured and encouraged.

Video – shadow work

The reality is that children can be humiliated and diminished, whether unconsciously or deliberately, by many things. They may suffer hurts to their self-esteem at the hands of parents, relatives, other adults, siblings, teachers, and the school system. They may be shamed because they do not have the “right” talents, appearance, or abilities for the culture in which they live. They may want to do things which do not meet the expectations of those around them, who see them as “different”, “weird”, “abnormal” or “alien” – and reject them.

In fact, many of the men and women who come to do emotional healing work on their shadows with me and my facilitator colleagues speak of feeling different or weird from an early age. Yet in my eyes, they were the courageous ones, the ones who were simply made to feel like outsiders because they had talents and abilities which others didn’t understand. But as we all know, it can be hard to feel different….

Which of us, as a child, did not want to be popular, good or “normal” in the eyes of those around us? Which of us did not want to be accepted by the others? And even when parents try to make their kids resilient, it seems so much is beyond their control.

This desire for acceptance by their peers explains why so many children gradually hide more and more of their positive qualities. Into the shadow bag goes their sense of self-worth, their magnificence, their strengths, their skills, talents and abilities, and above all, their intuitive knowledge that they are perfect.

So it goes. But, as we’ve seen, what goes into your shadow bag, whether positive or negative, will change in character.

Videos exploring the shadow (link)

Anger may become rage, sadness can build into deep grief which burdens a man’s soul. Repressed sexuality may transform into an addiction to porn or a desire to victimise women. Fear may become acute and irrational anxiety, devoid of connection with reality. Self-protection and risk management can transform into some kind of judgementalism or predatorial behaviour.

Everything changes, nothing stays the same, once it’s in shadow.

As for a boy’s sense of self-worth and self-importance, well, when shoved into shadow, they may inflate into grandiosity or collapse into a sense of insignificance.

When you see someone who has a grossly inflated sense of superiority and grandiosity, it’s a fair assumption that most of his self-worth and self-esteem were beaten (maybe literally, maybe metaphorically) out of him as a child. The same is true when you see a man who’s playing small, not showing his natural talent, and hiding his abilities. As boys, both of them put most, if not all, of their self-worth into their shadow bag. This somehow kept them safe from shame and humiliation, or worse.

Another defensive strategy some children adopt in this situation is to strive for perfection. This is really a quest to be seen as good enough – and therefore hopefully accepted and maybe even loved – by a parent for whom, in reality, nothing can ever be good enough. Of course, perfection is unachievable, so this strategy can be a real killer.

Alice Miller, one of the pioneering child psychotherapists of the twentieth century, wrote a book called The Drama Of The Gifted Child. In that book, she described the drama for each and every one of us: it is that we arrive on the earth “trailing clouds of glory”, and then, unaccountably, our glory is rejected.

The glory of a child is his innocent purity, within which he carries a truly wondrous set of appetites, spontaneities, angers, desires, and drives. This is his gift to his parents. Sadly, as with so many unexpected gifts, his parents may find they don’t want that gift, at least not in the form it arrived. Perhaps what they really wanted was a “nice” boy or girl who would do more or less what they expected, who would follow in their image, perhaps. A child who would be convenient for them. And so they unconsciously set about making their child into something else.

That’s not unusual. To a greater or lesser degree, each of us was diverted from our own path, the one which would have made us into the person we were always meant to be. Now, as adults, we may feel an urge to find our real selves by seeking out this true path and seeing where it takes us. That’s a choice summed up for me in Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken, where he writes: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference.”

(You can find a shadow work facilitator named Ali Kirk here, who can help you recover yourself on the road less travelled.)

It’s not that our parents were malevolent – it’s just that they needed us to fulfil a particular role in their lives. As Robert Bly so astutely observed, “Our parents rejected us before we could talk, so the pain of the rejection is probably stored in a preverbal place.”

This is why it can seem so hard to change anything in conventional counselling or therapy. This is why archetypal counselling, emotional healing work, and working with your shadow are so powerful – these techniques get right to the heart of the issue, quickly, safely and powerfully.

How To Make A Man Love You (And Fall In Love With You)