Can You Make Someone Fall In Love With You?
Judging by the number of articles on the Internet with such dramatic titles as “Five tricks GUARANTEED to make anyone love you!” it’s easy to believe falling in love is the easiest thing in the world!
But as we all know, the course of true love does not run smooth! So while you may know which guy you want to make fall in love with you (or if you’re a man, you may know which girl you want to fall in love with you), the first step is really how to make someone like you.
Make Liking Turn To Love and Romance
You see, falling in love, or trying to “make a man love you” depends on a certain level of connection and simple liking before you even start climbing the pathway to love and romance.
And you’d be right to assume that making someone love you isn’t quite as simple as applying some set formula you got off the internet! (Anyhow, I think that’s pretty clear to anyone who’s had any experience of affairs of the heart!)
All of which brings us back to the question “are there really any ways in which you can make someone fall in love with you, and if so, how?”
I came across an interesting article on the Internet – where else – by Tracey Cox, who is a well-known figure in Britain, a therapist and adviser who writes about relationships and sex. She offers five tips to anyone who wants to make someone else love you.
1 Be Easy to Get
This principle of building love is based on the idea that increased exposure to anything we see as positive the first time we experience it makes us like it more and more.
So in other words, if you’re trying to make a guy fall in love with you, and you’re not sure of ways to do it, then the simplest way to get him to love you, or even to like you, is to be around him as much as possible.
This is an idea which David Lieberman, an expert in human behavior, came up with. Apparently it’s been scientifically proven that if we are exposed to a favorable, positive stimulus which makes us feel good, then we gradually come to like it more and more.
So there’s an interesting message here for women who have read books like The Rules – which is, being aloof or “hard to get” isn’t necessarily going to get you what you want.
2 Being Hard to Get Can Be a Good Thing
Despite what I said above, once somebody begins to see you as desirable, then the scarcity principle (thanks toRobert Cialdini for that one) switches in.
The principle is obvious: if something is available in large quantities, then it has no scarcity value, and so we don’t want it, or value it, as much.
But when things are scarce, and we see them as desirable, we start to want them more and more – in direct proportion to their scarcity, perhaps!
3 Who’s Doing Nice Things for Whom?
If you do something nice for the person who you want fall in love with you, you’re gonna feel good on a couple of levels – you’ll feel pleased with yourself for being nice to them, and you’ll feel extra warm towards the man who you’re trying to make fall in love with you, and for whom you’re doing these nice things.
And you might just start to idealize him, which is like some kind of justification to yourself for doing the kind thing you’ve just done…. and of course when you idealize somebody, you like him more. and indeed before you know it you might be falling in love.
One approach which avoids these difficulties is simply to ask the person you want to love you to do something for you, or to let them spoil you!
4 Eye Contact Is Everything
Psychologist Zick Rubin has devoted a lot of time trying to measure love, and one of the things he’s found is that the amount of time people spend staring at each other – in other words gazing into each other’s eyes – is a good indication of how much they love each other.
But the even more interesting thing is that you can actually fool someone into thinking you love them if you stare at them while you’re talking to them. That’s because the brain is programmed to believe that somebody who is looking at you 75% or more of the time is in love with you.
Now, having said that, nothing is more false than eye contact from a person who doesn’t really love you if it’s overdone. Even so, you could give somebody a sense that you love them by gazing at them, and this might be one plank of a strategy of how to make him fall in love with you.
And the other factor which can help somebody believe you’re in love with them is the diameter of their pupils – we’ve all seen how pupil size varies according to how we feel about somebody else.
In an experiment a group of men were shown a photograph of women whose pupils had been doctored to look bigger than they actually were. The men judged these women to be more than twice as attractive as the same women in an undoctored photograph where the pupils had not been enlarged.
So if you can focus your gaze on somebody’s face in a dimly lit room, and look at them for more than 75% of the time, they’re going to get a pretty powerful message about how you feel!
Now I will admit that so far in this article, I’ve been writing a little bit tongue in cheek. I guess if you want to know how to make a man fall for you, then you have to learn a few more things about him than the size of his pupils.
5 The Next Steps To Make A Man Love You
According to one writer on the Internet, there’s an interesting trick of your personality which you can use to persuade a man that you’re the woman he should fall in love with – in other words, that you’re a woman he will find desirable.
This writer talks of “unique pairings” – which are traits not often found together in the same individual. She gives these examples:
- If you’re usually sweet and nurturing, you need to demonstrate qualities of being strong-willed and dominant as well.
- If you’re intellectual, then you need to demonstrate that your fun loving and have a taste for adventure as well.
- And finally this writer says that if you are an independent character, then you need to show the man you want to fall in love with you, that you can be feminine and respectful, and admiring of him, as well as independent.
The idea here is that the man sees these unique pairings of qualities and realizes that you’re – well, if not unique, certainly very special and that he needs to hold onto you.
I describe all this slightly differently: I describe it as having a well-rounded personality. A well-rounded personality implies emotional maturity – and I think that’s probably what most worthwhile men want in their partner. And, let it be said, actually demonstrate in their own personality.
Want someone to fall in love with you?
Then have some self-respect!
Having self-respect is absolutely vital. There are all kinds of reasons why people like somebody else, but the truth is that when someone doesn’t have self-respect and allows another person to treat them disrespectfully, or indeed to walk all over them, anyone who has a high self-esteem is going to find that person slightly contemptible.
This doesn’t mean that a relationship can’t develop, but it does mean it’s not going to be a relationship of quality.
You see, mutual respect is absolutely essential for a relationship to work for both partners. And in the case of women who want a man to marry them, or women who want a man to love them, or even women who just want to get a man’s attention, it’s all too common to find that the woman is prepared to belittle or debase herself in some way just to get the man’s attention.
Sad! He is much more likely to respect high self-esteem than low self-esteem.
You Need to Respect Him
One good way of getting a man to fall for you is to find out how to get a guy to like you, so you can then work on his “liking” (so it develops into love) by genuinely respecting the qualities you see in him.
I’ve seen it said that men want women to show them admiration – and then they can fall in love, with a woman who admires them.
But this isn’t right. What men really want from women is respect. More than anything else a man will want to be around you if you show him genuine respect.
Maybe you want somebody who is strong and powerful to protect you, but you might have to settle for a man who’s strong enough to open a jar of jam or jelly when you can’t budge that lid.
But even if this is the limit of his masculine prowess, then you need to be able to respect it, and to demonstrate that respect him to him in the way you address him.
You’re also going to need to be open to intimacy.
Men respond to female sensitivity and kindness in a very specific way – by opening their hearts. But men almost never open their hearts to woman before they are sure they can trust a woman to respect their sensitivity.
That’s because most men have been betrayed in some way by women more than once in their lives. So he is very likely to put you through a period of enquiry and testing, during which he is working out whether or not he really can trust you.
And He Wants To Nurture You:
So Show Your Vulnerability
Despite men’s cautiousness in getting involved with women, there’s another reality: most men have a deeply nurturing side.
When you think about this issue (how do people fall in love), it’s obvious that the ones who are able to show their vulnerability are the ones who are best a loving another. (And that includes both men and women.)
So if you want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you, then I’d say one of the highest priorities for you is displaying your vulnerability.
But this doesn’t mean acting helpless or weak or pathetic – although men might respond to that, at some level they despise it.
What it really means is that a man who is ready to fall in love with you has the capacity to recognize your vulnerability and to nurture it. That way he shows you he is not afraid of his feelings, and that he is not afraid of your feelings.
He also shows that he is confident you won’t judge him when he opens up to you; hopefully in return he will not be judging you when you talk about your feelings.
You see, all the best relationships, not just the ones where a guy likes a girl, but those where a man loves a woman, those in which people have fallen in love through eye contact, proximity and all the personal qualities we mentioned above, are at their root relationships based on respect.
Respect is the quality which allows people to be natural and relaxed around each other.
There is no magic formula for falling in love, nor indeed a magic formula for knowing how to make a man love you or fall for you.
What you need for love is a sound foundation, a way of making someone want you, which of course in turn leads to loving you……
……. and perhaps might even be the way in which you can discover how to get a man to marry you (or at least enter into a long-term partnership) – which, when all said and done, is really what you want, isn’t it?