The Art Of Capturing Your Man

How To Make A Man Want To Be With You

There’s no simple formula for knowing how to make a man fall in love with you, but there are things you can do to make yourself more desirable, and better at being in relationship.

You don’t have to be a perfect partner. What’s good is knowing how to develop “connection”: knowing how to be emotionally connected to your partner, and expecting him to be the same way with you, so that you can share intimacy and, of course, love.

If you’re not good at emotional intimacy, here are some things which can help you establish a better relationship, be a better partner, and indeed, make your man see you as his true soulmate.

One: Learn How to Read His Emotions – and Your Own

Understanding what you’re feeling is not always simple. And it’s certainly not a simple matter to understand what anybody else is feeling. Yet to have empathy and connection, and to avoid those painful misunderstandings which can be so destructive in any relationship, you need to be adept at reading not only your own emotions, but also your partner’s. Indeed, the more you can do this, the more likely you are to know just what is needed to make a man fall in love with you and nobody else.

The best way to do this is to take the necessary time and space to feel your feelings, and to work out what feelings you’re actually experiencing.

You might be thinking, “Wow, this is crazy, we all know what we’re feeling.” Yet the sad truth is that most human beings are pretty emotionally inarticulate – although I think women are generally more emotionally aware than men. 

We learn to label our emotions as children, from what our parents teach us about how we’re feeling, and often the finer distinctions between various emotional states are lost as they do this.

If you think you might be lacking in awareness about what you’re feeling, there are two things you can do which may be helpful: first, find a way of opening up more to your feelings, and second, find a way of identifying them more easily, and more quickly.

Two: Identify Different Shades of Emotion

OK, so you know what anger is! But do you feel the same sort of anger, does it have the same emotional tone, and is it backed up by the same kind of thoughts, when your boss is rude and unjust to you, as when your partner is late for dinner?

The answer is no, it isn’t the same sort of anger (most likely!) So it’s going to be helpful for you to see if you can separate your anger into different categories.

This way, you can discover how your feelings towards the person you love (or the man whom you want to fall in love with you) differ from your feelings towards somebody who is important in your life but with whom you’re not in love.

You see, treating the man in your life, your life partner, your lover, the man you claim to be in love with, or the prospective man you haven’t met yet (after all, you want to know how to make a man fall in love with you, yes?), or even the man who you want to make fall in love with you, in the same way that you treat random passers-by in the street, your boss, your friends or your relatives may lead to some difficulties.

Your lover is the one deserving of (for example) compassion with your anger. For although it’s possible to feel compassion for the entire human race, you might want to start with the man you love!

For example call the first type of anger “boss anger” and the second one “partner frustration”. You can easily come up with labels which suit you. Why do this? Simply because it helps you to separate out different shades of anger, different levels of anger, and lets you identify the thoughts and feelings which go with the different experiences of anger.

Sidebar: Video on how to make a man fall in love

Three: Practice Emotional Communication

Learning to express your feelings towards people can be frightening, and it can be very difficult to open up and say what you are thinking. Few of us are raised to be able to say how we’re feeling in any situation – we often sit there and fume quietly to ourselves, we bottle up our grief, we shake with fear but say nothing about it….. and we don’t tell people “I love you” or say “I’m in love with you.”

But keeping our feelings private holds us apart from each other.

Only by opening your heart and communicating honestly with another person – always making sure that it’s appropriate! –  can you establish or re-establish connection and contact.

In a loving relationship, it’s absolutely essential for the partners to be emotionally connected to each other, and to understand each other. So making slow and steady progress towards greater ease and confidence in expressing how you’re feeling to your partner, to the man you want to love, the man you want to have love you, is vitally important.

One good way to practice doing this is to start talking about the easy topics!

Since it’s easier to talk about positive things than negative things, you might want to express your feelings about something somebody (your lover, maybe?) did for you which made you happy.

When you become adept at this, you can shift your attention to expressing the more difficult type of emotional communication which a loving relationship calls for – such as telling your partner about how their negative behavior makes you feel.

Self expression can deepen a man’s love for you

One good way of showing your love, or any other emotion, is to adopt a formula which goes something like this:

When you {insert behaviour} it makes me feel {insert feeling} because I think {insert thoughts} – and what I want from you in the future is {insert requirements and expectations or demands}.

To give you a practical example of this, when you’re with your partner, you might say something like this:

“When you don’t look at me when I’m speaking to you, it makes me feel angry and sad because I think you don’t respect me and my opinions are not important to you. What I want from you in the future is to listen to me attentively, and show that you’ve heard what I’ve said.”

Although that may seem like a very difficult thing to say, the more you practice this sort of emotional communication, the easier you will find it to establish heartfelt connection and love with your partner.

How To Express Your Love For the Man You Want To Love You

Be honest with yourself here: if you want to make a man fall in love with you, isn’t it better to truly communicate your feelings and listen to him expressing his feelings, so you both know exactly what each of you is thinking and feeling? Isn’t that the route to honest intimacy? And isn’t that, in turn, the route to emotional connection – to love?

Four: Reciprocal Disclosure

Although this sounds like a complex and challenging idea, is really very simple: it means you give the person you’re talking to equal airtime.

Once you’ve expressed how you feel about a certain issue, you shut up and you let your partner speak about how he feels.

Sure, sometimes it’s difficult not to become defensive, or to respond with anger or some other destructive emotion. But truly, listening to understand, listening and verifying how your partner is feeling, and listening to empathise, are some of the most powerful tools you can bring to any relationship.

Have you noticed how you feel more love for your partner, and how you love your guy with a sharper edge, when he listens to you and shows you that he understands what you’re thinking and feeling?

The same is true in reverse. In fact the same is true for any pair of human beings trying to communicate and understand each other. Falling in love is definitely helped when you can establish communication on every level.

Five Reflective Listening

We started to cover this above in the section on reciprocal disclosure….. to repeat, you can learn how to listen actively when your lover is expressing himself at any level, but especially at an emotional level.

Many men find it very challenging indeed to open up and reveal their emotions and feelings, and a lot find it difficult to even understand what they are feeling. To respect a man fully you need to be able to accept that he is not going to experience the same level of emotional communication that you are, unless he is very emotionally intelligent.

But then again, being a woman, you know what men are like, and so you know the man you fall in love with may not be anything like as emotionally expressive as you are.

To try and change him in any way is probably inappropriate, but to try and change the way he expresses his emotions and so make him someone other than the man he truly is seems downright perverse…. does your love encompass the idea of total acceptance, or is it conditional on your man being who you want him to be?

Reflective listening and active listening are simply tools of communication.

Suppose you are having some difficulty around sex and you wanted to find a way to discuss this. You might say, for example, “I love you very much and so I feel we need to talk about our sexual difficulties.”

You can then use the formula above to express exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. When your partner replies, you need to keep quiet while he expresses himself, without becoming defensive or angry, and then when he’s finished speaking, you need to feedback something to him which will show him you’ve understood the main points in what he was saying.

You might say, for example, “So what I’m hearing is that you feel scared when we make love because you don’t know if you’re going to be good enough in bed….”

Six: To Love Each Other, Make Sure That You Understand Each Other

Since it’s so hard for us to understand what we’re trying to say at an emotional level, it’s important that there are no misunderstandings. That way you can genuinely start to find out how to make a man fall in love with you because you see him as he truly is.

You don’t want a man to fall in love with you if he’s actually falling in love with an image of a woman who isn’t the real you.

Nor, of course, do you want to fall in love with a man who isn’t really expressing his true self.

But one thing is certain: if you want to make a man fall in love with you openly and honestly, if you want that guy’s adoration and love for the rest of your life, then honest and open communication is absolutely vital.

In this context, if you’re not sure what feelings your man is trying to express, simply ask him.

You’re not a mind reader, and neither is he… which brings us onto the very important subject of how women communicate.

Often, as a woman, just because you have a thought in your head, or because you have a certain feeling, you somehow think your man ought to know about this intuitively.

Forget it! He’s never going to mind read you and if you’re expecting him to do so, you’re in for a major disappointment. Besides which, understanding your man emotionally is far too important to either play games, pretend, or put unrealistic expectations on him.

Seven: Make Clear What You Want

Many of us expect that our partner will somehow mysteriously know what we want, or should know without us even asking for it.

But the reality of life is that none of us can second-guess what another person wants. Even in the areas which matter most to you, such as sex, you’re going to have to express yourself, your desires, and your needs, if you’re going to get what you want.

In any event, as I’ve observed before, there’s no better way of establishing open and honest communication – which is the pathway to love – than by expressing yourself openly and honestly.

Take sex as an example. If you want to try something new and different in the bedroom, it’s no use dropping hints or suggestions! What you should be doing is simply asking directly, cleanly, openly and honestly, without shame or guilt, whether your loved one is willing to try something new.

Of course one of the keys here is asking with confidence, asking in the expectation that your demands are going to be met. That’s not unreasonable, provided of course that you are being reasonable!

Boundaries & Love

Many of us don’t know where our boundaries lie. True for you? If so, you face the task of developing the part of yourself which needs to be able to ask for what you want, and say “no” when it’s appropriate to do so.

Confidently asking for something, or confidently telling someone what isn’t acceptable, without an overlay of emotion, can be incredibly helpful in establishing open honest communication.

When you do this, you can hardly go wrong, and the man who you want to love and the man who you want to love you, is likely to be your best friend as well as best partner!