Dr Helen Fisher of Rutgers University has spent a lot of time investigating the nature of romantic love. She’s even written books with such forthright titles as “Why We Love“.

Since she has spent so much time understanding love and investigating what function it serves for us, it’s worth looking at an interview she conducted with www.chemistry.com a while back to see what it can tell us – if anything – about the nature of love between men and women.

Love is…..

She starts by making the observation that love seems to be one of three systems all of which are related to the function of reproduction.

As you might have guessed, the human sex drive is a motivational factor – it propels men and women to look for partners with whom they can have sex.

Then there’s romantic love – probably a human evolutionary trait designed to ensure that a prolonged pair bond will be a safe environment in which to raise children.

And a third factor is attachment – which is something to do establishing a sense of security, and seems to be involved in both the infant-parent bond, and the romantic connection between adults who are in a romantic relationship.

Video Helen Fisher – Why People Fall in Love

Naturally enough, one of the obvious questions about love is why it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world.

And the answer, according to Dr Fisher, is simple: it’s to do with the brain circuits which register pleasure. They respond to a chemical called dopamine, which is produced when you are in love. It’s a sense of euphoria, of being on a high. Biologically speaking, romantic love, infatuation, romance, obsession – it’s similar to taking cocaine.

Love at first sight is a concept that we’ve all heard of, but few of us have probably experienced in a serious way.

We are, in truth, more accustomed to thinking of infatuation at first sight, rather than love first sight. And it turns out that Dr Fisher agrees with this concept – she says that it’s responsible for the urgent sense of reproduction to which animals must respond to to ensure the survival of the species.

But generally timing is much more important for us humans. Timing, that is, in the sense of the appropriate moment to fall in love: you might pass your perfect partner in the street, but if you’re in a rush on the way to work, you might not even notice them.

By contrast, when you’re in a place and time where you have the opportunity to look around and see who might be a suitable mate, you’re much more likely to notice somebody to whom you are attracted, and who potentially might fall in love with you.

Now one of the most important questions – particularly for this blog, which, after all, is abouthow you can make a man fall in love with you – is whether or not there’s anything we can do to make a person fall for us. By extension, of course, you may wonder if there is anything you can do to yourself to make you fall in love with another person.

And there is! You can do something new together.And I’d add to that – you can do something dangerous together.

You see, plenty of experiments have shown that novelty, excitement, and adrenalin all increase the level of dopamine and noradrenalin in the brain.

These are neurotransmitters, and they are associated with all the traits of romantic love such as focused attention, energy, excitement and so on.

Video – Helen Fisher on Understanding Men

What this means is that as you do exciting things with another human being, your brain chemistry actually tips into a place where you’re predisposed to fall in love with somebody.

But what about falling out of love?

We have all been rejected and then found ourselves obsessing about our beloved ex-partner, the one who has rejected us.

(Interestingly enough, by paying more attention to what’s happened in the past and the trauma that you experienced, rather than what you hope to have in the future, you can actually retraumatize yourself and make things even worse.)

The answer seems to be a complete break: don’t call, don’t write, don’t speak, think or even keep anything that reminds you of your ex. And take exercise, find a new interest.

Of course this seems like banal advice, but when you think about it, this makes perfect sense – people who are in limerence, i.e. obsessive infatuation, are told that a complete break is needed for recovery. That’s like all addictions, I guess. (If you really feel you want to get your ex back, then there are plenty of places on the Internet where you can go for advice.)

Lots of people have asked about the difference between love and lust.

Lust is the sex drive, and it dissipates after having sex because it’s been satiated. But it returns after a certain period of time. You can feel lust for several people at once, but you don’t feel jealous.

As you know, when you’re in love, you don’t usually feel love for several people at once (though if you do, you’re likely to have emotional “challenges”!)

Being in love is something that instinctively evokes jealousy and possessiveness.

And if you have sex while you’re in love, you’re likely to experience an increase in romantic feelings for your partner.

Conversely, it turns out that having casual sex or sex with somebody you merely like, can trigger loving feelings. Again, it’s all to do with brain chemistry and the high levels of dopamine produced after orgasm.

So, on a slightly facetious level, if you want to know how to make a man fall in love with you, then going to bed with him might be one way of making him want you a whole lot more!

On a serious level, there’s no doubt that one major factor which helps men fall in love with women is making love. And equally, a good sex life can make your husband fall in love with you again if your relationship has gone stale. According to Dr Fisher, this is also about brain chemistry and the high levels of dopamine produced after orgasm.

How long does love last?

Well, as you’ve probably observed, that first intense period of infatuation can last for anything from one to three years. Then it gradually begins to subside.

Conventionally we think of infatuation as being replaced by companionate love or affection.

But Dr Fisher makes the point that if two people really are compatible for life, there are many ways in which they can renew their romance. Sex is a good way to trigger romantic love. Novelty, too, can spur romance. It’s a matter of intention and desire – that is to say, having both the intention to renew the relationship and a desire to do so.

At this point, you probably understand the significance of “chemistry” in a relationship. I guess chemistry can be described as mutual attraction on both the physical and emotional levels – but the point is that when you have true chemistry with another person, passion can erupt unexpectedly out of nowhere, and this can lead to the reinforcement of the relationship.

By the way, if you wondering how to make a man fall in love with you, then you should know that a woman’s appearance is important to man. Men are visual. And for women, status and success are important in choosing a mate.

What advice does Dr Fisher have that might be relevant to all of us?

She’s certainly on the ball with the statement that many people marry too quickly, soon after they have fallen in love, and before they’ve really got to know their partner’s personality.

Indeed, she suggests people might wait until the first flush of romantic love dies, so they can truly see their partner for who they really are before they get married.

One of the things that I often hear women say about men is “Oh, you’re so shallow!”

It’s a disparaging comment, but there’s truth in it – at least to the extent that men are less emotionally articulate than women.

Why? Because men are very goal oriented – they see an objective, and they set out to get it, and their satisfaction often comes from that simple act. Complex emotional thinking is something that most men are not especially good at – it’s a biological thing, we’re not wired for it, and it has to be learned.

Women tend to find emotional connection and interplay much easier than men do.

So one of the things women need to understand about male attraction is that as far as men are concerned, the first attraction a man feels to a woman is often purely physical.

Sure, sometimes you will meet men who are more sophisticated than this, and who find your conversation, your personality, your qualities – perhaps compassion, empathy and understanding – to their taste, but in the general run of things, men are initially attracted to a woman because of what she looks like.

However, what women tend not to understand about this is that a man is often attracted to one aspect of her appearance, not the whole package.

To sum it up: while you might find it disappointing, there’s got to be a spark of chemistry – which means there’s got to be a sense of mutual attraction. For a man, in the early stages, this is likely to be physical.

Having said that, he’s going to start talking to you very soon if he’s at all attracted to you, so he can establish whether or not his attraction goes beyond the superficial (i.e. the physical).

The First Attraction Tested

Before a man starts to get more deeply involved with woman, he often throws out little clues, questions and signals – nothing like flirting, this is basically a sensitive and discreet way of establishing whether or not you will accept him if he actually puts himself out there and starts making advances.

Why? Well, as you know, nothing is more humiliating and self-destructive to the self-esteem of a man than being rejected by a woman.

So if a woman doesn’t really respond to a man, or rejects him by not responding to his initial advances, it won’t mean much to him, and he’ll move on to somebody else’s court’s attention.

And that’s actually a pretty standard pattern. Sure, it’s mechanistic, it’s impersonal, but it does avoid the hurt of being rejected. In the main, anyway. LOL.

Having established that you’re interested in him, by some positive response you’ve given to his signals, a man’s now going to start what we all understand as “the Chase”.

All men (except gay men, I guess) are strongly programmed to chase women – to seduce them, to woo them, to get them “onside”, no matter what the cost and effort involved.

When he wins you, having chased you, seduced you, and wooed you, he’s going to feel like a million dollars. That’s because he’s deeply affirmed in his masculinity.

Equally, while you’re being chased by a man, (provided of course that he’s not creepy and stalking you), you’re going to feel fabulous, because his attention, his effort, the gifts he buys you, the presents he showers on you, and the attention he lavishes on you will make you feel like the most desirable woman on earth.

In a situation like this, a woman might already be falling in love, but men – well, men take a lot longer to fall in love than women.

So when he’s planning dates, flooding you with gifts, and generally doing everything he can think of to make you happy and impress you, he’s probably not yet in love. You are his current project.

For him, the investment of his love is dependent on a woman not only returning his love but also demonstrating that she is going to be a worthy companion – loyal, trustworthy, faithful, supportive… All those juicy qualities that you can imagine just as well as the man who’s been chasing you.

Here, the man is expressing his ardent desire to be in a partnership with you, and he wants you to show him that you love him.

Gaining love and commitment from you is the highest achievement he knows – at least in interpersonal relationships.

So basically what’s happening is a one-sided relationship in which he is worrying about how he can make you fall in love with him. If he starts trying to show you his relationship skills, he’s doing what all men have done throughout time: offering you a sign that he really would make a good lifelong partner.

And if you happen to agree that there’s a future relationship here, this is definitely the time when you need to show him that you love him (or could do), if you haven’t already done so.

But – there’s a problem now. He wasn’t actually being 100% himself, because he was engaging in a genetically controlled game of making you love him.

And of course, he doesn’t really know you yet: he just made a decision to pursue you because of his initial attraction and your acceptance of his initial advances. Oh dear.

So now you have to get to know each other in a way that is real. Meanwhile, he is still deciding whether or not you’re the person he really wants to be with, and he’s also working out whether he loves you. Not only that but he’s also working out whether you want to make him love you, and generally whether or not you’re going to be happy together.

If you’re confused, I’m not surprised. And you thought this was just about knowing how to make a man love you!

You see, from a man’s perspective, the woman he settles down with has to be perfect. He is effectively sacrificing his opportunity to spread his seed around (leaving more offspring) by settling down with one woman, so she’s got to prove that she has qualities which make up for the loss of this opportunity to mate with other women.

And here is where hearts can be broken: for no obvious reason at this stage a man might dump a woman. (The non-obvious reason being he’s decided you’re not the right woman to settle down with.)

But on the other hand, if he accepts you as a potential mate, now he’s ready to give love a serious try.

And for the next few months, you’ll be deeply in love with each other. He will let himself fall right into his feelings of love for you.

You won’t even need to know how to make your man love you, nor at this stage will you need to find out ways to make him love and want you.

Because right now, in the phase of limerence, he doesn’t want to be with anybody else, and he feels as if he’s never fallen in love with anybody as strongly as he’s fallen in love with you. In fact, he might even be contemplating marriage and a long-term future together.

Did you ever think that it was this easy to make a boy fall in love with you? LOL.

However, at some level he is deciding whether or not he’s going to fall permanently in love with you and then stay in love with you.

A part of him probably already knows the absolute truth about whether or not you’re the ideal woman for him, but basically he’s not going to allow that part to show itself until he is certain what it’s telling him.

Advice For Women Who Want A Guy In Love

So here’s a clue for you about what you can do to make love even more certain: hold back – when he’s pursuing you and he’s obviously in love with you, don’t give in to all of his advances.

Don’t say “I love you” every time you meet, or agree to every date or meeting he arranges.

When you put up a bit of resistance, when you withdraw slightly, he’ll pursue you even harder, and as he does so he will fall for you more deeply than you could possibly imagine.

Of course, if you overdo it, he’s going to be really frustrated – and he might just decide his options are better elsewhere.

So if you want to make a man fall in love with you, you have to judge this just right. But then, as a woman, with generations of female ancestors behind you, all helping you and guiding in spirit, you  already know exactly what you have to do to make a man fall for you, so there’s not much doubt that you can get the guy you want.

One of the complaints that women level against men on a regular basis is how little men understand women and their feelings.

But oddly enough, nobody really ever stops to ask the opposite question: do women understand men?

Video – Men and Women

In particular, do women know how to make a man fall in love with them?

Judging by one guy’s account of his experiences dating what he describes as “countless women”, they do not. So here, straight from the mouth of a man who’s dated a lot of women, are the tips, tricks, and information that women looking to catch a man and make him fall in love, might like to know.

To start with, this guy makes the observation that while a woman’s love can grow over a period of time from an unpromising start, perhaps even from complete indifference, the men dating these women seem to be less attached and less involved as time goes by.

Why is this?

To put it bluntly, the fact is men tend not to fall in love gradually, and they tend not to fall in love with women who don’t capture their attention in the first place. There’s a lot of scientific evidence to show that men fall in love more deeply, more quickly, and more intensely than women do.

In a way of course, that makes perfect sense, because a woman’s got a lot more to lose if she gets pregnant than a man has.

It’s understandable that a woman would be biologically programmed to take time in selecting a mate, and perhaps even to even to “test” a man’s faithfulness before finally deciding to take the plunge and enter into a relationship with him.

But what about falling in love? Why such a difference between the sexes?

Why are so many women writing to Internet sites asking for advice on how to make a man fall in love with them?

Just to make it clear – we’re talking about falling in love: not the short term experience of lust.

This guy says he thinks men can fall in love more quickly than women because the information a man needs to trigger his feelings of romantic love are readily available to him. For example, a man can see what a woman looks like (physical appearance is important), and he can judge what her personality, mood and energy are like in a relatively short space of time.

And indeed, a woman’s political views, religious views, social class and other issues that might be of interest to a potential mate are also something you can pick up from a quick conversation.

So what is it, that women need to find out about a man before they can “fall in love”, and why does it take more time?

What is it, in essence, the woman needs to know about a man before she can fall in love with him?

And how does all this relate to a woman’s ability to make a man fall in love with her?

It seems that for many women, there are some very specific factors at play here: a man’s emotional stability, and his personal strength in challenging situations, in particular.

And these are the kind of things a woman would only get to know about by knowing a man for some time. So if these are romantic triggers – that’s to say, triggers for romantic love for women – then yes, you can see how a woman might need to take time before
deciding that a certain man would be a suitable mate for her.

Other factors which be important in allowing women to fall in love with a man include their judgments about his intelligence, confidence and competence.

And finally, and most controversially, there is commitment.

We know that in general women want long-term relationships; they want commitment; and they want to get married.

However, for many men, the idea of commitment to a long-term relationship is quite frightening.

There many reasons for that, but I suspect one of the main ones is that commitment to a long-term relationship with one same woman seems to fly in the face of a man’s biological and genetic programming. (It’s all unconscious, remember.)

That is to say, a man’s best reproductive strategy might well be to have sex with as many women as possible. This way, he spreads his sperm around as much as he can.

But for a woman the best reproductive strategy is to settle down with one man will stay around to provide for her and her children and protect them so they have the best chance of living to adulthood.

We’re in the area of biological determinism here, or at least it would seem that way. So what can we take from this to help a woman decide whether a man is suitable for her in the longer-term?

One thing: a woman needs to recognize whether a man’s falling for her in the first few weeks of them knowing each other.

If a man doesn’t look like he’s falling love after a few weeks, he’s probably not going to do so at all.

What Women Need To Keep In Mind

A woman who wants to get married must understand the mindset of the average man.

From a physical point of view, women are probably most attractive between their mid-20s and their mid-30s. This is the time that matters. Outside this age range, women are seen as less desirable by men.

So waiting for a man to fall in love with you, or waiting to get married, counts for nothing if you wait for the wrong man to propose – but he never does – and then you’re out of your peak period of attractiveness (not to mention fertility).

Which is why you have to be careful not to spend any time in relationships which are going nowhere.

And why you have to be discerning about which men you try to make fall in love with you.

For a woman in her mid to late 20s, dating a man for four years without him proposing seems extraordinary.

Of course women in this situation have usually fallen in love with a man, and they’re waiting for him to fall in love with them. And if you’re one of them, and you don’t know any particular strategies that will make a man fall in love with you, you may still be hopeful and continue to wait. And wait. And wait….

However, as we observed above, most men who are going to fall in love will do so quickly if they are going to do so at all.

So from a purely practical point of view, any woman who finds herself in a long-term relationship with the years passing by with no sign of commitment from the man, should probably make a calculated decision about whether or not to stay in the relationship.

Like it will not, as women age, their desirability on the marriage market reduces (at least in the eyes of younger men).

And we can pretty reasonably assume that for most women, and indeed perhaps for most men, marriage is predicated on romantic love.

So to date a man without being reasonably sure that there’s a chance of him falling in love with you (at least after the time when you’ve decided you can fall in love with him) seems shortsighted and self-defeating.

The Nature of Commitment

Bear in mind that when we talk about a man having commitment “problems”, what this really means is the man is thinking: “I don’t want to settle down.”

It’s no use a woman complaining about a man’s “commitment problems”. The truth is if that’s how a man feels, that’s perfectly acceptable.

You see, the problem might really be in a woman’s mind, that she’s putting up with a man who is NOT prepared to commit and she’s complaining about it because she thinks he should!

She might well be in love with him, and she might want him to make him fall in love with her, but if he isn’t going to commit, then she’s wasting her time and energy in every way – especially when she’s complaining about his inability to commit (or men’s general inability to commit).

To say that men have commitment problems is almost like saying they have no right to choose how to run their relationships.

Women need to look much more at their role in these issues.

And considering how much men are consumed by their desire for sex, it’s unsurprising that they’ll continue to string along a woman without commitment for as long as they can provided she’s willing to have sex with them.

The dynamic here is all about a woman empowering herself so she can move on and get what she wants. That way, she’s no longer putting itself in the “victim” position of waiting for the man to decide it’s time to commit to her.

That way, she can find a man who will fall in love with her, or who she can charm and seduce. After all, women have a long ancestral line of mothers, sisters and grandmothers, all of whom depended on men for support, and all of whom knew how to make a man fall in love with you. Draw on that knowledge and you can do it too.

Here are five fantastic ways to flirt, ways to flirt which are effective, which can get the man you want to fall in love with you, to err…well, fall in love with you!

These flirting techniques have been identified by scientists and demonstrated to work! So let’s find out what they are!

First and foremost, as you might well know, is eye contact.

Elsewhere we talked about the “copulatory gaze”, which is definitely something you’ll recognize if you’ve ever made sexy, seductive eye contact with a man for a long time…. although do remember that “long” in this context is about two or three seconds – anything longer than that can seem aggressive or threatening.

The next thing thing is body language. We’ve all seen those statistics about how much of what you communicate comes through your body language, yes? Point being, you can really tell when a man’s interested in you by his body language. More important: you can give the message to him that you’re interested in him.

There’s another clear communication system you need to know: body posture. Work it right, flirt with a man in the right way, present the right body posture, and he will be yours before you know it!

Then there’s touching – you know how much you like to be touched by somebody you love?

Guess what? Scientists have discovered touching is a crucial element of flirting behaviour: OK, this might not be big news to you, but bear it in mind for the future when you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you.

There’s friendly touching, like a handshake, there’s touching which builds intimacy, like holding hands, or touching a man’s forearm, or an arm around the waist, and there’s touching which demonstrates affection, like a gentle caress of the face while you’re making love. (Oops, perhaps we’re moving a bit fast here.)

But there’s real power in this – you can mirror the body language of a man you’re interested in to show him your interest, and you can tell if he’s interested in you by watching if he’s doing the same thing to in return.

Fantastic, a communication system you don’t even have to think about!

Then there’s withdrawal. You know this one, I guess! If you’re flirting with a man, and you’ve got his interest, suddenly stop and gently withdraw… either change the conversation or leave. You’ll make him develop a really strong interest in you. You might even make him decide to pursue you….

These things work because they play on a part of the brain which is very basic – the limbic system. This is the most primitive and primeval part of the brain, programmed (among other things) to respond to signals from other people – it’s both impulsive and instinctual. It’s responsible for our core experiences of lust, desire, and mutual sexual attraction. Aha!

Sometimes acting for your good, sometimes not, this part of your brain holds much more power over your behavior and interests and actions than the cortex, which is the thinking part of your brain.

But here’s the thing – by consciously choosing to engage in behaviors which activate the limbic system, you can attract a man’s attention and have him falling for you before he even knows what’s happened! So…..

The warm friendly smile of a woman is something which seduces most men in a fraction of a second, because it says you’re in an open mood, inviting and approachable.

A man’s natural reaction is to respond to a woman’s smile with another smile – this makes the man feel equally friendly and open. Good for you! And what’s more, it doesn’t really matter what yoursmile is like, so you don’t have to have perfect white teeth! Men will respond to your smile with interest just because they’re programmed to do that.

Of course you need good body language and good posture too. These are really important – they communicate confidence, power and stability, all factors which attract men. Good body language isn’t just about how you’re standing, but also about how you’re moving….. hopefully with deliberate purpose in a self-assured way – you know the kind of thing I mean, I’m sure.

In fact, it’s the sort of thing you’d expect in the man you wanted to make fall in love with you (or at least to have him like you)….. so keep your head, shoulders, hips and knees and ankles in a vertical line, and keep your weight distributed evenly over your feet. If you want to impress a man – or should we say attract a man? – of course you can thrust out your breasts, and offer more sexualized signals. However, simply keeping your body posture “open” and friendly is an invitation for any man to get to know you better.

Master simple techniques like these and you’ll be able to make any guy you want fall for you – and maybe even make that man fall in love with you!

What is Love?

Who knows whether men and women feel love in the same way? Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t.

But one thing we do know is this: the delight, joy and happiness (and other emotions, too) which women feel when they fall in love are not the same experience a man goes through when he falls in love.

So for women who are curious about the process of “falling in love” as a man experiences it, here’s some interesting information which might be helpful if you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you.

What Comes First? Love Or Attraction?

It’s been said that the first thing to spark a man’s interest in a woman is physical attraction: not necessarily her overall appearance, but maybe something in particular about her – her breasts, ass, legs, whatever.

This is complete rubbish: the truth is very different. Men like women for whom they feel a sense of attraction, what’s been popularly known as “chemistry” or a “spark”. And this isn’t just physical.

The reality is that unless a man feels some attraction – and yes, that’s both physical and emotional attraction, rather than either separately – then things are not likely to go any further. (Unless, that is, a woman’s determined to make her man fall in love with her, in which case he might be unable to resist her charms and wiles.)

It’s also possible that men don’t stop to think about what’s attracting them to a woman, that they simply respond to their internal sense of interest, and start acting out of “I like you and I want to get to know you better”. (Yes, of course sex is at the back of their minds. Always. But then, what’s at the back of your mind? Romance, sex, marriage, babies? What’s the difference?)

Next, a man is going to make some small advances (or sometimes large advances – “Would you like to go to bed with me?” being a common one) which are designed to work out whether or not a woman is interested in him, wants to get to know him better, and will respond to his advances.

Of course, what he doesn’t know is that she’s thinking about how to make someone fall in love with you!

It’s been said that the male ego is a fragile thing and men don’t like rejection – and it’s (mostly) absolutely true.

Men are terrified of being turned down by a woman – at least many of them are.

(The difference between the ordinary man in the street and the pickup artists, who’ve gained a degree of notoriety on the Internet, is that a pickup artist knows that finding a woman who’s interested in him is a numbers game, and any man who wants to be successful needs to just “get over” rejection.)

For most men, rejection is a blow to their sexual self-esteem and sexual self-confidence – it takes most men a great deal of courage to approach a woman for the first time, which is why small advances, without much apparent commitment, are a useful way to test whether or not a woman is interested.

If a woman responds to these small overtures in a way that suggests she might be interested in a man (and we’re not talking about anything like her falling in love, or him trying to find out how to make a girl fall in love with him, at this stage), then he begins to focus his attention on her.

And small advances really are small advances.  A man doesn’t need much confirmation that woman is interested in him for him to start flirting or pressing his case.

And here’s the thing: once a man has this confirmation, he moves on to the chase – which can be very exciting indeed for a man. In fact, the chase is what a man is designed to do: to seduce and woo a woman, until she is convinced – perhaps after an initial period of “resistance” on her part – that he is indeed going to be faithful and true.

It’s a kind of biological game plan seen in many species, where the female resists the advances of the male until he has proved himself worthy. And it’s probably also the fundamental human pattern during the “I’m getting to know you” phase.

I guess women may find it hard to understand the importance of the chase for a man. It’s biologically programmed, so it’s very rewarding for him to win a woman’s attention. Winning a woman is an affirmation of his masculinity at the deepest level: and it’s why some men become so persistent in their efforts to woo a woman they like the look of.

And of course it merges into the “I’m going to impress you phase” where a man will do everything in his power to show that he is worthy of a woman.

The gifts flow in, the flowers arrive in huge bunches, the dates and evenings out come thick and fast. This stage may make a woman feel a man is demonstrating enough of what makes a man a man for her to start thinking what to do when a guy likes you.

And, assuming there is some sort of relationship developing (he has tested her interest and she has responded positively; he has chased her and she has allowed herself to play the game), he moves into a phase which has been called the “I want you to love me” phase.

At this stage it’s possible some women will already have fallen in love, but it’s not likely many men will be deeply in love.

A man has to shift into the “I want you to love me” phase; he wants to know that “his” woman loves him, before he’s ready to fall in love.

In essence, she has to make him want her, as any woman knows. Happily, a man’s fervent desire to demonstrate he’s going to be good in relationship – and a good and faithful lover – can sweep a woman off her feet.

So, when a woman responds by clearly expressing some feelings of attraction, a man is then well aware he’s gained a woman’s commitment and love.

This is where things get serious, requiring both the man and the woman to decide and / or demonstrate whether they’re interested in taking the relationship any further.

And this is where women (and men) can get their hearts broken, because in the excitement of the chase, a man may have been acting some role or other; not exactly being dishonest about who he is, but perhaps not showing himself fully.

And yes, while he’s been busy chasing a woman, a man might not have stopped to consider whether she’s absolutely right for him, or whether he and the woman he’s pursued and caught are really able to fall in love….

You see, as soon as a man starts to wonder whether there’s a real relationship on the cards, a whole number of factors switch on in his mind – things which probably haven’t been in play up to this point.

He starts to ask himself “Do I love her”? “Do I want to be with her?” “Will I be happy with her?”

He may get cold feet about the thought of commitment – but it’s ridiculous to dismiss all men as commitment-phobes.

You have to understand there’s a biological drive in men, as there is in so many male animals, to spread sperm around rather settle down and bring up children with one particular mate.

Men’s “commitment phobia”, as it’s called, isn’t based on meanness or a desire to manipulate women.

So, male promiscuity is a biological program, just as a woman’s desire to mate with an alpha male but to settle down and raise children with a long-term committed partner is a biological drive.

These are things that act far below the level of consciousness, and it’s demeaning to both male and female genders to blame each other for unconscious acts that seem designed to hurt or betray.

At the same time, we do have a higher level of consciousness than all other mammals, and it’s incumbent on each and every one of us to behave with courtesy and consideration to our mates and dates.

All in all, a woman must look like the perfect candidate to be a man’s partner before he’ll consider settling down with her. Yet here’s the thing: a woman can demonstrate her suitability by behaving in certain ways.

And here, a woman can get what she wants – because a woman fundamentally knows how to make a man like her more. Most women, if they’re honest about it, would admit they know how to get their boyfriend to fall in love with them.

By behaving in a certain way, a woman can work on a man’s desire for a perfectly matched partner. Her feminine wiles give her the power to do this.

But – if a man decides he doesn’t want to be with a woman, this is when the dumping happens. On the other hand, if he comes to believe he’s in the right relationship with the right woman, then he’ll give “falling in love” a try.

And because men like to be wholehearted and committed in everything they do – action and achievement being everything for a man! – he’s probably going to throw himself wholeheartedly into the relationship and feel overwhelmed with love for you.

This is the point at which he’s going to start taking care of you, protecting you, and perhaps acting jealously.

I came across an amusing article on YourTango.com about how you might induce a man to fall in love with you

Dave Elliott says there’s a formula for making a man fall in love with you and you can remember what it is using the word MAGNETICS.
Let’s have a look and see if he’s right!

M is for masculinity

Of course we all have our own opinions about masculinity and what makes a man a masculine man: but I guess many of us would say it’s anything but the John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger type of swaggering macho behaviour.

I’d agree with that because I define masculinity as consisting of qualities like strength, courage, loyalty, integrity, authenticity, or honesty, the ability to hold the family and relationship together, the ability to look after children and care for a woman and children as a family unit, and all the other juicy qualities we all want and aspire to in a relationship.

But there is one aspect of masculinity which isn’t really understood, I think, by women, and perhaps not even by men: the hero archetype.

Having a hero inside themselves means all men have to go out into the world at some stage in their lives and feel that they’ve had an impact on the world.

How that happens depends on the individual man – he might want to be a good father, or he might want to achieve in business, or he might want to win a woman, or he might want to build some kind of long-lasting memorial to himself in the form of a charity or social institution.

Yet heroes come in many forms: so a man’s ambitions and aspirations might be much more modest. For example, a man may simply want to make a difference in his role, however minor, in the company for which he works.

Men have all of these, and many more, aspects of the hero archetype within them, and it needs expression for a man to feel truly masculine.

And in among the expression of this energy, one vital factor is female appreciation. In other words he wants you, his woman, to see him as a hero – and bear in mind that he is not being a hero to please you, or because it’s a way in which he can get you to fall in love quickly, or because he thinks it might be what makes a man a man! It’s a basic part of who he is and that needs to be respected and honored.

Another aspect of male psychology that you should keep in mind, perhaps, is the fact that men WILL die for a cause when they’re up against the wall. Part of the hero archetype is about what a man would stand for in the face of death. Often that’s his woman and his children. What better reason to love a man that that?

A is for acceptance

You know, as well as anybody else, how nice it is to be accepted for who you truly are, without your partner seeking to change you.

If your project is to get a guy to want you, then you certainly shouldn’t take a man on with the view that if he is not right for you, you can change the aspects of him you don’t approve of, or make him change him for something “better”. Believe me, this is no way to make either a friend fall in love with you, or a man who you fancy fall in love with you. If you want to know how to make a man fall in love with you, take this as read: you mustn’t try to change him.

In fact, no matter how he reacts as you tell him what he should be wearing, or how he should behave, or who he should see, the truth is simple: he’s going to feel a whole load of resentment.

If you can’t accept his faults, then either accept the man you want to marry will only ever be one you have chosen as a friend, or fall in love with another man!

But do not try and change a man. That way leads disaster. You need to find a man who you can respect and appreciate exactly as he is.

And if you do want to offer him advice, and you can’t stop yourself, then do it in a way that doesn’t offend his sense of masculine pride.

G is for grateful

In a man’s eyes, his role in a relationship with a woman is to protect her and provide for her and the family. You might think it a romantic ideal that men are willing to lay down their lives for their children and family, but there is ample evidence to prove this.

In return, what he expects from you is appreciation of how hard he works – even if, as you see it, this isn’t serving the relationship or serving you, in his eyes he is doing what he’s programmed to do as a man.

So for him to see you as his love, and to fall in love in a week, or a month, or a year,
there are two major things required of you: one is not taken for granted, and the other is to disrespect him.

Sidebar – video – male and female psychology

N is for nurturing

Masculine energy is about protecting, putting a force-field of energetic strength around the family and the woman, and knowing how to solve problems.

Dare I say what’s on the other side of the equation? Yes! Feminine energy is about nurturing, providing, support and graciousness.

A man will respond to a woman’s nurturing energy, and whether you like it or not, whether you regard it as sexist or not, when two people come together with these complementary energies, they can form a beautiful relationship, a container in which true love can quickly grow.

One of the questions that men ask time and time again is why women nag, bitch, complain, and “push” men emotionally?

I think the answer to that is because women have two tendencies: (1) to test the man they’re with so they know he’s trustworthy and strong, and can protect the family as necessary, and (2) to nag when they do not feel cherished, respected or they are not the center of a man’s world.

So if you’re feeling like that, dissatisfied with your man, thinking that he’s not doing the things he needs to do to make you feel like a woman who’s loved, then perhaps you need to consider whether or not he’s ever going to be falling in love with you.

And indeed, whether you’ll ever be able to make him want you, or whether he’s actually the man of whom you can truly say “this is the man I love”.

E is for easy-going

Men don’t always make it obvious, but one of their greatest motivators is to please a woman – and we’re not talking here about what’s been called (slightly disparagingly) “People pleasing“.

We’re talking about the fact that a man wants to make a woman satisfied by his presence, his ability to solve problems, and his ability to fix things.

No matter whether you want him to fix you or not, it’s part of a man’s psychological make-up.

When men become depressed, it’s sometimes because they have a problem they can’t solve. So if you’re miserable, he may well take that personally, thinking that he’s somehow responsible, and if he does that, he’ll feel bad, and when he feels bad he might distance himself.

As always, rather than allowing things to fester, the solution for this misalignment of intention and feelings is open and honest communication.

T is for trustworthy

Men work in teams – they honor each other’s contribution, every man knows his role and only Mavericks can get along by bucking the system. (They are generally only being Mavericks because of some emotional baggage from the past.)

Where men are concerned, playing for the team is vital: and if you’re part of his team, he may well expect you to be a team player, to watch his back, and to support and protect him. If he doesn’t feel that’s what you’re doing, he’s probably never going to commit to you.

I is for independence

A man values his independence: to him it’s a symbol of his prestige in the world as a man who can cope with whatever life throws at him and his ability to survive.

You must realize, therefore, that trying to make a guy settle down before he’s ready – which requires him to lose a certain level of his freedom – is not necessarily going to work too well. It’s certainly not going to make him fall in love with you any faster!

Obviously a man will more readily give away his freedom when he thinks he’s trading it for something better – and that something better is you.

Hopefully, if you’ve been reading what we’ve covered on this blog, you’ll now be realizing there are plenty of ways to be the woman he sees as the better option!

If I’m honest about it, those qualities are probably the ones that you would need to see in him to want to settle down with him: loyalty, support, honesty, trust, compassion, strength, and so on….  you can fill in the rest for yourself! These are the things which make men and women fall deeply in love and stay in love.

C is for captivate

So what’s a woman got to do to captivate her man?

Perhaps simply to be the woman “your” man needs!

This means having qualities like being supportive, self empowered, strong, having good boundaries, not being a woman who “pushes” herself on the man and starts to erode his emotional security or his freedom just because she wants him to fall in love with her.

Men’s hearts open to love gradually, probably much more slowly than most women’s, so you may think in the early stages of getting to know a guy, and trying to get him to like you, that he is not responding – or that he doesn’t want to please you, or that (even worse) he doesn’t know how to please you.

In truth, what he’s doing is weighing up the benefits and disadvantages of being with you, assessing the situation, and working out how he feels.

Only when he experiences the advantages of being with you – the rewards & benefits which will accrue – will he then allow his heart to open and love for you to move through his soul.

Speaking of which, S is for soulmates

Well, what are soulmates? We’ll have another post on that in a minute, but essentially it’s when a couple find that the woman can love a man’s masculinity, appreciate who he is, feel gratitude for him being there, nurture him in the way that suits him, accept “what is” with an easy-going nature, and do it all in an atmosphere of trust and independence. And of course, this works two ways: he wants to love the same things about you.

Here are my next 5 tips for getting a guy to like you.

SIX

Nothing turns a man off more than a woman who isn’t polite or kind. Even when you disagree with him, to be polite is to be courteous; you can tell that you disagree with him, and why you disagree, without belittling his opinions. Take it from me, if you show how kind you are, it’s going to make him fall in love with you faster. I mean, everyone wants a loving partner who they can trust, right?

SEVEN

Of course there’s got to be a reason why he’s going to be attracted to you besides your kindness and courtesy and your independence!

So there’s nothing wrong with you showing off your particular talents, skills and abilities – in fact, might even be a way to make him more attracted to you. If you’re a songwriter or a poet, you could write a song or poem just for him… that should impress him!

EIGHT

One of the difficulties I think a lot of people face in life these days is staying positive. And while we all know the saying “misery loves company”, the truth is that in fact happiness loves company much more – it’s fun to be around somebody who is happy and sees the optimistic and positive side of things.

We can all manage to be negative on our own – what we need, each and every one of us, is somebody to share positivity and positive experiences with. And of course, sometimes we’re all negative – BUT in general it’s much more productive for anybody in a relationship (and especially a woman trying to get into a relationship with a man she loves) to be positive in outlook and attitude.

I know that you might want to offload your trials and troubles by talking about them, and he might listen – but you have to remember you’re not in a deep relationship just yet, and a prospective lover isn’t really the person you should be using as a place to offload your stress or gossip about people who have done you harm.

Keep the conversation clean and positive, and you’ll stand a much greater chance of getting a guy to like you.

NINE
On the other hand – because all relationships are a balancing act, even in the early stages – you need to know how to make a man feel good about himself.

That’s the kind of thing that can make men want to be around you more.

The key here is to know just how much men like to be appreciated for what they do. So if you have a job that he can help you with, or perhaps a subject on which you can ask is advice, this can really make him feel more confident and useful and perhaps even important in your life.

It’s absolutely key for you to show your respect for your man’s abilities, even it’s only that he’s able to open a jam jar!

Men need to be respected by any woman they’re serious about and appreciated for what he can do.

As you might have noticed men like to fix things and like to produce solutions to problems (sometimes when they’re not even needed wanted). You can use this aspect of man psychology to your own advantage.

Sidebar – a funny video – the difference between men and women

And in any case, let’s face it – it’s great to have somebody to help you make decisions and do things. Wanting to help someone is not just a part of falling in love – it’s about being decent to another human being.

TEN

No matter how much you want him to fall in love with you, no matter how much you want to make him fall in love with you, your boy – or your man if you prefer – should have a mind of his own.

Of course you can’t actually “make him fall in love with you”. He should be free to choose what he wants… you’re just showing him one of his better options – you!

So act casual, and wait for things to develop between you. Don’t use the word “girlfriend” before he does – he might run a mile.

Despite the fact that men like to be seen as confident and self-assured, the truth is that often deep down inside they’re quite scared (maybe just like you?). And by the way, no matter how much you might want a man to propose to you, and no matter how much you might want to get married, this really isn’t the time to talk about marriage and babies.

Remember, women know all about enticing a man – it’s in our genes! In the beginning of any relationship, you need to spend time together, because you’re finding out all the things you need to know about each other to establish whether or not you have a long-term future. On the other hand, if you act a little bit “hard to get”, you’re certainly going to entice him, and make him pursue you harder. This is NOT about playing games, it’s just about making sure that you’re not on the end of the phone waiting for him to call you every minute of the day.

After all, you’re an independent woman, right? And you do have other friends to spend time with?

Well, even if you don’t, you can find other things to fill your time which will remind him he is not the “be all and end all” of your life, and he can’t take you for granted. And he’ll respect you a lot more if you make that clear with your behavior now.

I know what you want, but let’s get one thing straight – you can’t “make” anybody fall in love with you against their will.

What you can do, of course is use your feminine power to charm a man, so that he knows you’re the one he needs – and no other!

And if you’re going to do this, then you need to start with the basics, because all love develops from closeness and affection. “Falling in love” is what happens when two people really like each other and want to be together – and it’s a process that can happen very quickly, or take time. Either way, you can make sure you get what you want by using a little bit of your “feminine wiles”.

Let’s face it: any woman can outwit a man when she puts her mind to it! It’s what women have been doing generations….

So, the basics.

Attracting Him

ONE: Looking Good, Feeling Fine

Now you know, as a woman, how important your appearance and health are. While men might generally perhaps be a little less careful about these things than women, they certainly notice when a woman has put time and effort into making herself look good.

And by presenting yourself with an attractive appearance you can easily and quickly demonstrate to your man – that’s to say, the man you want to fall in love with you – that you feel proud of your looks and your good health.

(By the way, men generally won’t tell you this, but they prefer less make-up rather than more. A natural look is always more appealing to a man.) Being smartly dressed also conveys the message that you value yourself – and if a man has any self-respect, he’s gonna fall in love with a girl who values herself.

And men wont; tell you this either. What they look for is beauty on the inside. Of course beauty on the outside can be appealing. But men are mostly looking for someone who loves them – not someone who looks like a stunning beauty – when they want to connect and fall in love. All women have an equal chance of capturing the heart of the man they want. Let me say that again: all women have an equal chance of capturing the heart of the man they want.

There’s another message in looking good too: it says you’re confident on the inside as well as the outside.

Just in case you’re not clear what I’m talking about, here are the things I’d say are the most important in this area when it comes to the physical aspect of attracting the man of your dreams:

Stay fit and healthy – even if you don’t go to the gym regularly, do some exercise to help you feel good and look good. Remember that aerobic exercise is a great way of reducing the effect of stress on your body and making yourself feel more relaxed.

Keep your hair clean and styled in a way that suits you. (I’m sure I don’t need to say this, but you really need to pay close attention to your personal hygiene, perhaps using a little bit of perfume if you know of one which suits you. Again, men don’t like overpowering scents. This could be a case of “less is more”.)

And without labouring the point, you don’t need to buy new clothes, you just need to make the best of what you have, making sure that it fits you, that it’s clean, and that everything suits you.

TWO: Be Happy and Smile A Lot

One of your greatest attributes is your smile – as long as it’s genuine, of course. Smiling is infectious, and a light-hearted attitude is going to lift the spirits of anyone you’re around – including the man you want. If you’re feeling down, think of times when you were genuinely happy and use those memories to put yourself into a state of joy and if you want.

By the way, when you look at the man you love, the man you want to love you, that special feminine glance – eye contact held briefly, with a smile, or even a direct look into his eyes, is irresistible. It’s like saying to the man “I want you, I’m interested in you.”

A tendency to blush and look down can be seen as lack of confidence and it’s not going to do you any good, so if this is you, make sure you smile at him and hold his glance first. If you need to practice, do with a friend. Eye contact is one of the best ways to get a guy to like you, and it’s worth getting it right.

THREE – Looking Attractively At Your Man

Going on from the smile which we mentioned above, consider this: you know how you want to look a man straight in the eyes when you’re falling in love?

It’s a direct message of affection that’s why making eye contact is one of the basic elements of flirting with someone. You can be sure that it’ll increase any man’s feelings of attraction and interest in you when you make frequent eye contact with him OR when you send quick glances his way.

If you think it’s appropriate, you might even want to lock your gaze with his, even if you’re not saying anything at the time. Your eyes can speak volumes.

Basically by looking at him, briefly holding his gaze, and then looking away, you can show that you’re interested, and his response will tell you whether he’s attracted to you or not.

FOUR – Find Something In Common

You’ve heard the expression “opposites attract” – but believe me, the truth is quite different.

The reason people feel attracted to each other and fall in love for the long term is because they see somebody as being similar to themselves.

Your similarities and the things you have in common promote a sense of connection and mutual understanding.

So if you have things in common these are what you need to emphasize. If you both love a certain type of music, or perhaps doing certain things in your leisure time, this can be a great way to share time and develop mutual interest and affection. (See a research article here.)

FIVE – Don’t Ever Be Needy

I’m sure you know that if you feel your well-being depends on somebody else’s presence, you’re being too needy.  Few men like needy women. We don’t need to talk about why that is just now, but this is important. If you’re trying to get a guy to want to you, then you have to demonstrate that you have a happy, independent life, and show him you don’t need anyone else (him) in your life to make you happy or complete or safe.

You can do that by occasionally turning him down for dates, which will almost certainly make him work harder to get you.