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The Art Of Love and Your Man

What Men Like In Love

Is it really possible to make a man fall in love with you?

Yes – up to a point. How you behave, what you say, and how you interact with a man will definitely influence whether or not he likes you.

And since liking is the start of loving, you can definitely help your man to see how much he could love you by showing him what a likable woman you are. You never know, he might just fall head over heels in love with you!

How to help a man fall in love with you.
Maybe you just have to show him how he feels about you!

Let’s start with the point where you’ve met a man you fancy. In fact, you’re crazy about him, and you’re certainly hoping he’s going to fall in love with you.

But before we go any further, there’s something really important to remember. If you are false, try to be someone that you’re not, or use manipulative strategies, you’re heading for failure. You might get a guy to fall for you in the short term. But in the long term, your relationship is going to be doomed. Your man will eventually discover the real you, and it won’t be the person with whom he fell in love.

Making A Man Fall For You Head Over Heels!

So let’s get going – with the initial warning that you can’t make a man fall in love with you. It’s a myth. But don’t despair! Because what you can do is to encourage him to fall in love with you. You can motivate him to fall in love with you. You can even entice him to fall in love with you.

It’s been said that the top three things that men want are sex, affirmation, and partnership.

I’m not sure I completely agree with that! I think what a man wants in a long-term relationship more than anything else is probably appreciation, respect, friendship, and sex – in that order.

There are other factors he’s going to be looking for, too. These include someone he can trust, someone who’ll support him, and someone whom he can support and love and help. (Don’t underestimate how important it is to a man to feel he’s doing something supportive or helpful for a woman. It’s deep in our male genes.)

So it’s a mistake to say that sex is always top of a list of man’s requirements. I would admit, however, that it’s near the top.

As a man, I’d also say that wooing and seducing a woman – the thrill of the chase – is important. Whether you think that’s true or not, it seems reasonable that we would be programmed genetically in that way. Almost all animal species require the male to work hard at displaying his good qualities before the female will mate with him.

Just a thought: maybe you shouldn’t have sex on the first date after all!

Anyhow,  here are some tips about

How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You

1 Respect What He Says & Does

Always try to respond or point out the positive rather than the negative in what a man says or does.

If you habitually find yourself saying things like “That won’t work…”, “You can’t do that…”, “I don’t think…” or the like, try to be more positive.

Think for a few seconds before you respond. Make the effort to understand where a man is coming from when he offers a suggestion or an idea. Maybe your negative responses come from pessimism, fear, habit, or laziness. But whatever the cause, a positive response, or a response which thoughtfully considers the options, makes you look much more  attractive.

And also try to listen so you understand what a man is really saying or why he is saying it. This is just simple courtesy and it’s not the same as agreeing with him.

2 Look Your Man In The Eyes

Look clearly and directly at your man with respect in your gaze and your heart.

This will make him feel masculine and appreciative because he senses the respect youfeel for him. You see, a woman’s most desired quality in a relationship is to be cherished above all else by a man. But a man’s most desired quality in a relationship with a woman is to be respected by her.

couple with woman looking unhappy
Don’t be disrespectful – it’s not a good relationship strategy!

Nothing diminishes a man’s self-respect, or his feelings of attraction and affection for a woman, more than having her diss him.

So, you ask, what constitutes disrespect? For example,  it’s when he’s making an effort to help or support you, and you don’t take what he’s offering seriously. This will make him feel that you don’t respect him. So even if you don’t want what he’s offering, be gracious and kind as you turn him down. Above all, don’t belittle him.

In essence, at a deeper level, respect is all about not judging a man for what he does or says. It’s about appreciating the fact that he’s offering something of himself to you. That he’s opening up to you.

No matter if he’s offering his support, his assistance, his attempt at problem solving, some new idea, his creativity, or something else. If you don’t want or agree with what’s being offered or suggested, at least treat his offering with respect.

By looking him in the eyes you’ll appear interested in him. You could also try smiling at him when he talks to you. That way, he’ll really think you understand him and care about him. This will deeply impact him, and make him feel much warmer towards you.

3 Touch Him

Touch your man in a non-sexual way to show him your  interest and appreciation, and develop a sense of closeness.

If you’re sitting near a man, display body language which suggests that you’re open to him, and also touch him gently. That could be on his arm, leg, shoulder, hand, back, or indeed anywhere else not especially sexual. You’ll find that if you do this naturally and easily, a deeper connection will rapidly develop between you.

4 Laugh A Lot

A couple who can laugh together are a couple who can sustain each other through good and bad. And we all know that laughter is “the best medicine”!

When you can laugh in the face of stress, you have a great gift – that of using shared humor to reinforce the bond between the two of you. However, although it probably doesn’t need to be said – don’t laugh at your man unless he’s made a joke, or unless he sees the funny side of it too!

5 Surprise Him

Make your man feel really appreciated by doing something a little bit out of the ordinary or unexpected for him.

Think how you feel when you find he’s left a love note for you in a surprise place. So why not return the favor for him? It doesn’t have to be something complicated. A simple post-it note saying “I love you” on his breakfast mug, or a love heart on the bathroom mirror is enough to get your message through.

In fact, a note or card expressing your love, or any kind of unexpected gift, will definitely make him feel warm towards you. And that’s the foundation of love.

6 Be Caring

Be kind and caring. Love develops more quickly when two people behave kindly and with care towards each other.

And this means showing thoughtfulness, offering your appreciation in the form of frequent “thank yous” and apologizing when necessary. All these things can make a relationship feel sweet and safe to be in. And that’s a relationship which leads to love.

7 Ask For His Help

Asking your man for is help will make his eyes light up. Now he feels useful and needed, with a chance to show you how good he is at being a man.

Few things give a man more pleasure than being able to help a woman. But you have to ask the right way. Here’s the formula: “I need your help.” Yes, that’s right. Forget feminism. Just ask.

7 Devote Time to Each Other

Spend as much time together as possible. One of the most powerful factors in falling in love is proximity – simply being close to each other.

Sure, if you’re out working all day and come home tired, it stands to reason you may not feel particularly close to each other. And that brings us onto the next points: you have to put time aside for each other.

How much time you put aside depends on your schedule, but the rule is very simple: the more time you spend together, the better. Have a date night. Make time for a check-in on a weekly basis, where you can talk about what’s going on between you.

You’re aiming to spend time together so you can experience how good it feels to be with your partner. That way, you’ll want to celebrate and appreciate them. When you do that, you’ll feel closer, more loving, and the chance of having a long-term relationship is much greater.

8 Act Like Your Man’s Loving Partner

Don’t argue with your man if you can avoid it, but if you do argue, make sure you don’t become abusive or insulting.

More than anything else, couples who are truly in love focus on the fact that they’re partners. You’re working together to build a relationship; you’re not competitors.

You want to be in this with him, and if your plan works out, you’ll be in it with him for a long time to come.

9 Let Him Know How Much You Appreciate Him

Take the time to say the words to your man that you want him to hear.

Once you get into the habit, it’s easier than you might imagine to say loving things. “You know, I feel really lucky to be with you.” “I’m so glad I met you, because I feel very warm towards you.” Comments like these go a long way to cementing a relationship, and helping a man work out how he feels about you. So it’s always going to be useful to tell him directly how you feel about him.

Make Your Man Love You

All of us want a loving relationship with a trusted partner, so it’s no surprise that the Internet is full of advice on how to make a man love you.

But really, just think about that for a minute – can you really “make someone love you”?

couple being affectionate
The best relationships are built on honesty and authenticity

Surely any relationship where you’ve manipulated or tricked a man into being with you is hardly a relationship worth having?

Perhaps a much better way is to present yourself so you stand a good chance of attracting the man you want to be with, and hopefully discovering how to make him fall in love with you. That way lies true happiness.

Why Do We Want To Be In Love?

Some aspects of falling in love are impossible to explain – which is probably why there’s so much misinformation about how you can make a man fall in love with you. After all, love is a mystery to many of us….

Question is,  what’s the real secret to making him fall in love with you?

1 Emotional Independence

The opposite of emotional independence is neediness. And men don’t really like needy women.

couple with woman looking unhappy
Don’t be needy – it’s not a good relationship strategy

I know that’s a big thing to say, but generally speaking it’s true.  Most men who are around needy women are often men who have a need to be helpful, supportive and make things right for women. In other words they get their self-esteem from supporting and helping others rather than from a sense of self-worth.

But an emotionally independent man who’s comfortable in his own skin will expect to be with a woman who is also comfortable in her own skin, and to a large extent emotionally independent.

That doesn’t mean to say there isn’t room for mutual support in times of trouble or stress – obviously that’s part of what partners do for each other in a loving relationship.

I’m really talking more about emotional independence as being responsible for your own happiness, and ensuring you can be happy without the constant attention and support of a man.

We all know that being in a relationship can be a source of great joy – but you don’t want it to be your only source of joy, surely?

If you really depend on a man to make you happy, then you’re probably to benefit from doing some personal work to clear your emotional baggage.

There are plenty of places you can do this, ranging from one-to-one therapy, to  personal work for women in a supportive environment.

Bottom line: men don’t fall in love with needy women unless they are themselves needy in some way – and that’s no basis for a relationship which is going to last (although it might be useful for you to grow in the short term).

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, emotional independence is the key.

2 Be Strong and Powerful in Your Own Right

Sadly a lot of women have been brought up to expect less than they deserve.

woman triumphant on beach
Women can benefit from finding their own self-love and strength before entering into a relationship with a man.

A lot of women, in short, are prepared to tolerate bad behavior – either in a man’s words, attitude, or even from physical abuse – because they are lonely or scared.

It’s a case of “anything is better than nothing”. But in reality, to have the kind of loving relationship you want, you have to love yourself.

When you love yourself, you won’t put up with a guy walking all over you.

So you need to have the strength to tell a man what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable, to set boundaries and ground rules for your relationship, so that you can feel safe.

When a guy believes he can get away with anything and you’ll still be there for him, he isn’t going to value you for the person you truly are. And even if he stays with you, he’s probably not able to give you a loving relationship of the kind you want.

If you’ve never learned to stand up for yourself in the past, being able to hold your own ground to keep your own boundaries and maintain your own sense of self can be hard. But it’s absolutely vital to get a man who truly loves you in a relationship that’s worth having.

3 Be Worth His Efforts

We’ve all heard of “the chase“. A man chasing a woman, that is….

The idea is that when a man’s excited and interested by a woman she can play “hard to get” – even perhaps pretending she’s not available or all that interested. (Even if she’s very interested.)

It’s an old-fashioned idea, but there is a germ of truth in it – which is that men value things they have to work for.

But unfortunately the underlying belief that women are some kind of prize for his chase or pursuit has led to a whole culture of manipulative behaviour on part of women, best summed up in a book called The Rules.

The real rules of any relationship, particularly when you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you, are authenticity, integrity and honesty.

And even if men are hardwired to chase after women, rather than the other way round, you don’t have to be manipulative to win your man.

In fact, it’s quite probable that when you are manipulative there will come a time when your man wakes up to what’s been going on…..  and he may then decide that he doesn’t like being manipulated in that way! And then you will have a whole series of issues to work through before you can re-establish intimate emotional connection.

woman and man in loving relationship
Look good and feel fine. Take pride in your appearance. Find love. Simple.

However if you feel that you’re worthy, if you’re proud of who you are, if you’re confident and you see yourself as deserving of a man with high standards, then he’s going to have to work hard to impress you.

Equally, you won’t have to manipulate him, because he’s going to fall in love with you naturally – just because of who you are.

Also bear in mind that if men are hardwired to chase after women, it’s not going to do your relationship much good if you start pursuing him!

At some level it’s going to make him feel less of a man andthat’s going to breed resentment – which you definitely don’t want in your relationship.

While it might do your ego good to believe that a man is chasing after you and “fighting” to win you, the truth of the matter is different.

No matter how much men might be hardwired to pursue women, they very much prefer to establish a relationship through shared times, loving connections, intimate experiences and shared interests.

After all, even though many of us would like to believe that “opposites attract”, research has demonstrated over and over again that when people are basically similar in outlook, values and attitudes, they have a much greater chance of falling in love.

4 Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable means different things to different people. But I think you could basically sum it up as “opening your heart and showing someone who you truly are”.

man and woman kissing
Are you allowing your man to see your vulnerability?

All of us wear masks, hiding who we really are. That’s because as we grew up we learned that certain things are unacceptable. Then we learned to hide parts of our self so we would avoid painful experiences of one kind or another.

Unfortunately many of those masks stay with us in adult life, long after they’ve outlived their usefulness.

Being really vulnerable means opening yourself up to somebody else’s gaze, and putting aside these masks so others can see you for who you really are.

Acting out of fear – either fear of not being in love, or not being a relationship, or perhaps even not being able to make a man love you —  means that you’re acting in a way that isn’t your true character.

Being vulnerable means being heart centred, which in turn means being happy with your life just as it is, whether or not you’re in a relationship.

To put in another way: you have to love yourself before you can be loved by another.

Basically any man or woman who isn’t coming from a place of self-love is giving off some signals of neediness. And while that might attract somebody in the short term, it’s no basis for a long-term relationship.

Having said all of that, if you have needs which aren’t being met in a relationship – such as your need for companionship, love, affection, physical touch, or sex – then let your partner know.

Once again, this is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and if he doesn’t respond to this with an open heart, then he may not be the right guy you to fall in love with anyway.

5 Acknowledge and Appreciate Him

Love is the ultimate expression of our feelings.

And we fall in love with each other based on how we feel around another man or woman.

If you normally feel good, happy and content with who you are, and especially if you stand in our own power much of the time, you present yourself as a woman worthy of being loved.

And when you fall in love with a man, you want to make him happy – it’s natural. For a woman that’s about appreciating a man’s qualities and letting him know how much you appreciate what he does for you.

And perhaps more than anything else, it’s about you showing him appreciation for exactly who he is, without any hidden agenda or expectations.

When you take the time and trouble to acknowledge in him those things he is proud of, especially the qualities which other people never get a chance to see, he’s going to be happy to be in relationship with you, and he’s much more likely to fall in love with you.

6 Care About Him

Caring means more than a cursory enquiry such as “How was your day, darling?”

Caring is about really listening to your man, showing him you really care about what’s going on for him.

If you’re a woman who just gets caught up in the fantasy of being in a relationship with a man for its own sake, then you’re not likely to be paying much attention to the man you’re with – and that’s no basis for successful relationship!

You have to put the love of the man you love over and above your desire to be in a relationship. Because there’s nothing more certain than the fact that the man you’re with is going to know exactly how you feel about him.

And if you’re faking your relationship just so you have a boyfriend, he’s going to sense it – and you can’t really expect him to stay around for long.

7 Make Sure He Has His Own Space

One thing women really don’t seem to get about men is that men really do need to withdraw into their own space from time to time.

This is something natural for men. It’s how men recuperate and regroup, ready to go back into the world and fight the next battles.

But women don’t get this – for them, being close is a way of regrouping and recovering strength. Which means, sadly, that women often smother a guy exactly when he needs space and time. As he withdraws, she pursues. And it infuriates men! It’s the last thing they want!

Of course it’s understandable: when a woman sees a man withdrawing she feels insecure – that’s the way women are wired, it seems.

But you have to stop taking his need for space personally – it’s not about him leaving you! Nor is it because he doesn’t love you anymore!

It’s just the way men work. He can appreciate, respect and love you much more if you actually give him the space and time to withdraw into his cave when he goes silent and uncommunicative.

And that cave might be a shed in the garden, or a space in his own mind.

Equally, men need time with their male friends just to renew and rebuild their sense of masculinity.

You know how much you appreciate time with your girlfriends?  Well, allow him the same time and space with his buddies to get in touch with his masculine energy.

If you don’t willingly allow this, he’s going to feel really oppressed, and he mat then start thinking he needs to loosen the boundaries of the relationship – and that’s only heading one way!

So if you’re a woman who understands that a man needs time to recharge, and you avoid getting clingy, he’s much more likely to fall in love with you. Equally, he’s much more likely to appreciate the time you spend together.

Tips To Make A Man Love You

How To Make A Man See You’re The One For Him!

We’re looking at some simple techniques, strategies and ways to make a man love you. You can read the first part of this article here. 

1 Be Supportive

In any relationship two people have some kind of responsibility to be supportive towards each other.

Are you supportive towards the man you want to love you? You can answer this question by working out what being supportive means for you.

Is it about being positive and encouraging? Is it about doing practical things for him? Is it about simply listening when he needs to talk?

woman bored with man's conversation
Are you always going to be supportive of your man?

You see, no matter how resilient and powerful your man might appear to be, there will come a time when he needs your support.

If you want him to love you, and if you want him to stay in love with you, he needs you by his side no matter what.

If your man knows you’re going to be there for him when he needs you, he’ll fall in love with you, for sure.

2 Let Him Provide

Programmed deep in a man’s genes is a desire to provide for a woman. (Read a controversial view of this here.)

Yes, believe it or not, men are genetically programmed to behave in certain ways. One of them is to pursue the woman they want, to fall in love with that woman, and then to do things for her.

You may have experienced this already. For example, men often want to solve a woman’s problems.

(While you want to talk. Yes, I know. Well, that’s part of life, and if you don’t want him to solve your problems you can politely tell him that you’re not looking for a solution. And you can gracefully accept his help on other occasions.)

It doesn’t matter whether it’s opening a jar of mayo, or bringing home the bacon.

Allowing your man to feel like the hero in your life will give him a sense of self-esteem and make him love you all the more.

3 Remind Him He’s Desirable

happy man and woman in bed
It’s no cliche that love really begins in the bedroom…

What’s the point of being in a relationship with the man you love if you don’t express your affection through flirting … and in the bedroom?

In any event, for two people in love, flirting is natural. It makes them feel good. It makes them feel wanted. It makes them feel needed.

You see, one of the problems with long-term relationships is that boredom can set in, and a degree of familiarity can make things seem, well, “samey”!

But why let this happen when you can keep things fresh by flirting with your man?

Whether you are on the third date or the hundred and third date, just keep doing the simple things which attracted your man in the first place.

You can make your man continue to love you, and you can keep the relationship exciting and fresh with gentle physical touches, sidelong glances of appreciation, paying attention when he talks…

All of those things and more are wonderful for a man. To feel the appreciation and attention of the feminine will keep him in love with you.

And of course you have a right to expect the same courtesy and respect from him. You wouldn’t want this to be a one-sided relationship where it’s you that making all the effort to maintain the love, now would you?

14 A Good Sex Life Supports His love For You

This may sound like a cliche, but it’s absolutely true that men connect to their feelings of love through sex.

couple in bedroom
A good sex life makes any man more likely to fall in love with you, and stay in love with you.

And you don’t have to be wild in bed every time. There are many ways of making love, from the wild, passionate sex we all enjoy, to gentle romantic loving which is equally rewarding.

Even so, you can keep your sex life fresh and exciting by trying new things, whether that’s new techniques or new outfits, role-play, or different locations for making love.

Keep your self-respect intact by sticking to your sexual boundaries. Don’t fall for the line “If you loved me, you’d let me……” Equally, if he seems to be showing signs that you’re being a bit too wild, tone it down.

But make sure that above all else, your love for each other is supported and reinforced by good communication – such as discussing the kind of things you’d like to enjoy in the bedroom.

15 Try New Things

It’s hard to understand the power of novelty in a relationship until you’ve experienced it.

We’ve already talked about doing “new things” in the bedroom – but what about the rest of your relationship?

Why not do things differently as often as you can, instead of living by routine?

And if you can bring something into your relationship which has a little bit of risk in it, so much the better.

There’s lots of evidence to prove that men and women who share dangerous, or even mildly risky or exciting experiences, feel a lot more closely bonded.

I’m not suggesting that you should try and build a loving relationship with your man – or even try to make him love you – by going parachuting or scuba-diving together, but there are plenty of things you can share which will give you an exciting sense of achievement and will reinforce your love.

Bottom line: sharing good times bonds you more closely, and makes him fall in love with you more deeply and quickly.

16 Keep It Fun!

A fun-filled relationship is a happy relationship. And a happy relationship is one which is likely to grow from friendship into mutual love and appreciation.

So, even when you think it’s a challenge to get a man to love you, or to make a man fall in love with you, keep going. Remember that women been adept and skilful at getting men into relationships and loving them for a very long time. And you share all those feminine genes which give you access to those wily instincts…..

Deep down in your feminine genes is all the knowledge you need to be able to make a man love you. Get out there and have a go!

Love and Respect

Have you ever considered the possibility that respect might be more important in a relationship than love?

That of course raises the interesting question – well, what is respect anyway? And that in turn leads me onto another question – well, what is love anyway?

What is Love?

Love is a term we tend to use for a person or object to which we feel attached or which we feel fond of. But I’ve heard men who were brought up in families where love was not the natural currency of relationships say things like “I don’t really know what love is.”

After all, as a child born into the world, if you’re not given a clear and open expression of love from the moment you’re born, you’re going to conclude one of two things: either that you’re not lovable, or that there’s something wrong with the way you love.

In addition, the concept of love, the meaning of which is clearly learned, is confused by different concepts like love of humanity, love of our pets, love of money, love of our possessions, love for ourselves, love of our children and love of our partner.

Are these the same kind of love? Or are they different? When you say that you want to make a man fall in love with you, is it the same as saying that you want to get a guy to love you?

When we talk about “loving somebody” but not “being in love”, we all think we know what we mean, but – do we really?

These are difficult and challenging questions.

But the thing that I’ve observed in many men I’ve worked with over the years is that respect goes a long way to building self-esteem, even when what I would describe as love is absent.

You see, part of respect is trusting somebody – trusting that they know what to do, trusting that they are indeed trustworthy, trusting that they are people of integrity, trusting that they are people of substance and worth.

As we all know, when children are treated in a way that sends the message they are respected, they will grow up to respect themselves – in other words, what the parents convey in their attitude to the child becomes the foundation of the child’s beliefs about him or herself.

The interesting question here, of course, is whether or not respect is a fundamental part of love. Can you love somebody without respecting them? I’m not sure that I believe this to be possible, so I would find it hard to accept the idea that children could be loved but not respected.

However I don’t find it difficult to buy into the concept that children can be respected but not loved, and I think in the end this is probably a better way to build self-esteem and a healthy image of self than to deny a child respect while claiming to love them.

You can bring this concept into your own adult life – as a partner, a husband or wife, or a man and woman, or a girl and guy.

When you say that you want to make a man want you, are you treating him with respect, or as a commodity?

If you were to ask the question about how you can get a man to marry you, is that really a respectful statement of intention? Where does it leave his wishes and beliefs about the situation?

I think it’s much less contentious to ask how you can get a man to fall in love with you – I’m assuming that you wouldn’t be asking that question if you didn’t believe there was some level of respect and trust between the two of you to start with!

Now having said all of that, of course love is the quality that can bring real happiness and joy to any relationship. It’s a quality of being and attachment that provides emotional bonds which make us feel secure and content in ourselves, emotional bonds which can carry almost any relationship through even the most challenging times.

When we talk about love, we are probably talking aboutattachment theory – a valuable quality in any relationship, and indeed particularly in a relationship with children.

There are no conclusions here, just some thoughts, designed to stimulate your enquiry into the question of what it means to want to make a guy love you, or what it means to want to make a man fall for you.

If you’re thinking about this, then the question uppermost in my mind is this: do you, above all, respect him, and if not, why would you want to be in a “loving relationship” with him anyway?

Video – Love and respect

What is Love?

The British newspaper, theguardian, ran a feature in 2016 asking people what they thought about love as Valentine’s Day approached.  What is love?

Interestingly enough, adults mostly they describe their own experience of it – as in “an obsession”, “all consuming”,  “the driver for all great stories of romantic love, of the love the parent to child, the family, of love the country”, for example….

While children offer a romantic view of love: “Love is the kind of gravity that holds people together like planets in the solar system.”

And a psychotherapist said that “similarity was easy, but difference was the real challenge”. And his view was that love is as much about obstacles and differences as it is about bliss and similarity.

“Love,” he said, “was about accepting difference, recovering from conflict and tolerating discord.” Indeed, this view of love extended to allowing your partner to be entirely who they are, even when that upsets you to the very core of your own being.

Such profound acceptance without judgement – is that love?  Maybe, but then all the other definitions of love offered by people in this article seem just as valid to me!

But it is an interesting idea, isn’t it, the notion that love is something to do with letting each other be who we are without fear of censure?

Your Boundaries Are Dissolving!

When we are in love, the boundaries between ourselves and our loved ones tend to diminish in strength, so that there is a real risk in wanting somebody to fall in love with you – the risk of losing your identity, say when you want to make a man fall for you, or to make a man fall in love with you.

Why do we take that risk? Is it because the experience of losing our boundaries and merging with another in the act of loving him, particularly in the act of physical union, of sexual connection, is so rewarding to us? And if so, why is losing our boundaries and our identity and merging so appealing?

Is it because it feels like a return to the childhood state of “oneness with mother” which we experience before and immediately after our birth, before we formed our own sense of identity?

Could this explain why some people describe love as “arriving home”? As a “safe haven”?

Or is it that simply we are programmed, biologically, with a particular neurological structure to want to experience love, and that hormones released in the body which act on the brain and nerve cells simply give us an experience we call love…. ?

Or perhaps it is simply a mechanism which evolved to promote long-term relationships, the mutual support of children, and perhaps even simply feeling good?

Maybe, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. We all know what our own experience of love feels like, and perhaps the reward of feeling it is enough for us to seek it out again and again. So in trying to have a guy fall in love with you, or in wanting to make someone love you, you’re simply aspiring to the highest form of love – the experience of bliss – and what could be wrong with that?

How To Show Your Love

Love Your Partner

One of the problems in any loving relationship is that after a while, a kind of complacency settles in, and the partners forget to demonstrate their love to each other in the way that they did during the first romantic phase of the relationship.

How to fall in love with a man
True love – are you showing it?

If you want to avoid being complacent, and taking your partner for granted, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or a marriage, here are some tips that could help you to show your woman how much you love her, or, if you’re a woman, to show your man how much you love him.

Number one

Remember that the small things count a lot – you don’t have to make big gestures to demonstrate your love.

In fact, for a lot of people, any action which shows that you’re thinking about your partner may be more worthwhile than a big gestures such as a diamond ring.

It’s the little things that count, the unexpected things, the things that you don’t have to do, but you feel motivated to do by love. So what might that be?

Well, for example, you could suggest a stroll along the seafront in the moonlight after dinner. You could turn one of your rooms into a dance floor, and take your spouse in there and dance seductively and romantically with her.

You could be like a child, free and excited, and put up a tent in your own backyard to sleep out. You could talk about ideas for going on holiday together and sharing time. Really, because the essence of a relationship is all about connection and love, I don’t need to tell you what it is that can bind you more closely with your partner – use your imagination, and come up with your own ideas.

Number two – the big loving gesture

And having said above that it’s the small things that count – which is completely true, of course – it’s also true that big gestures count a lot, particularly to show your man how much you respect him.

What makes a man fall in love with a woman
Love, loyalty, strength, compassion, consideration, and more – all qualities to fall in love with.

The fact that you would go to the trouble to do this is a demonstration of your love and affection, and the time and effort that you’re willing to invest in your relationship.

Love conquers all” is an interesting expression, because what it seems to mean is that no matter what difficulties you may be having, displaying your love will enable your relationship to move on much more smoothly. And there’s truth in that! What I mean by love conquers all, however, is different.

What I mean by love conquers all is the idea that if you want to make somebody fall in love with you – and this is particularly true if you are a woman who wants to make a man fall in love with you – then sometimes you do need to go the extra mile in terms of demonstrating your love and affection.

So for instance, you might reach out to your man’s family, and plan a surprise party with them for him. (It doesn’t matter whether it’s his birthday not, but do make sure that he is into surprise parties, or there might be some unexpected consequences!)

Not everyone likes a surprise party – is perhaps the area where extroverts can find pleasure, but were introverts might not be quite so delighted with your demonstration of your love.

Now of course we all know that when a man loves you, he is likely to reciprocate with grand gestures. And that’s absolutely great, but make sure that you remind him that falling in love with you doesn’t need big gestures, it needs a mixture of big ones and small ones!

Number three – Thoughtful actions show love

Whether you want to make your friend fall in love with you, whether you want to make your partner fall in love with you again, just as he did at the start of your relationship, you can show your love through thoughtful actions which will remind him of the love that you hold for him.

And when we talk about thoughtful actions, bear in mind these don’t have to be big things.

Once again, the principle is to show you’re thinking about your partner, that you have them in mind, and that you actually want to make the effort to please them, whether in bed or out, so you demonstrate to them that you like them, that you love them, and that in fact you want to be with them more than anybody else. (Hint – this is especially important for women.)

Video – cherishing a woman

Examples of what we talking about here might include buying a particular set of tools for a man, or a Gucci handbag for a woman. But don’t buy something that you think they might want – you have to know that this really is the object of their desire!

And of course there are simpler ways than buying an object to demonstrate your love, or to get a guy to like you, or to get a woman to like you: why not simply make something for them?

Indeed, something as simple as writing a poem can be a powerful demonstration of love, because it demonstrates that you’ve taken the time and trouble to think about them, and to come up with something you believe they might like.

Now in reference to number two above, it’s important to remember that making a lot of small gestures is just as powerful as making one big one.

And if you aren’t the kind of person who remembers to demonstrate your love on a regular basis, then one big gesture all of a sudden may not make up for the deficit of love that you’ve been showing.

Indeed, because of the way men think and feel, when a man is falling in love, he probably needs and appreciates numerous small gestures much more than a big one that would blow his mind.

Continuous care, based on the principle that you respect your man, is much more likely to make a man fall in love with you, or to make a guy who’s your friend want you in a more romantic way.

Indeed, it’s been said that when a man is falling in love, he’ll do anything for a woman – and of course he will! That’s the way we are programmed as human beings. But in actual fact, it’s also important to remember that when woman is in love with a man, particularly if she’s a woman who wants to make a man marry her, then she too might find it helpful to court her man, sending him gifts, thinking about what he might like to receive from her, and making many small gestures of love.

Number four – get to know your love

This is the easiest of all – it’s about getting to know somebody better, which is always a prelude to falling in love, by spending time “being present” – that is to say, consciously present – with your partner.

Bear in mind that you don’t have to be doing things, and you don’t have to be exchanging gifts, to fall in love with each other. Indeed, silence and simply being present with each other can be a powerful way of connecting at a deeper level than the superficial one we tend to connect with on everyday life.

As a woman, you are probably very interested in what makes men fall in love psychology.

So let me tell you, that simply being appreciated and respected are the most powerful ways of making a man understand that you have a deep regard for him. And one of the best ways of demonstrating this is to be present together without distraction.

You see, being present together not only allows things to arise from the silence between you, but it also allows you to serve your partner in some way.

That means taking care of their needs, of course, and couples who do this for each other generally have a very strong affection for each other. So if they have started to take each other for granted, this is almost certain to make them fall in love with each other again.

We’re talking about things like going on a date alone, getting away from  children (perhaps having them stay with their grandparents), avoiding busy schedules, and turning off the phone, the TV, and all the other distractions that are so familiar to us in everyday life.

You could ask questions gently of your partner, about what your partner likes and wants and expects and hopes for in life.

You can come to understand each other’s psychology much better, and you can do this even more effectively if you go on holiday together, without distraction, leaving the cell phone behind, and really get to know them.

Because, you see, you may be fine at home, but are you really in love? After a while of being together, is it necessary for you to make him want you? Or, as man, is it necessary for you to get your woman to like you or love you once more?

Showing that you care about who they are, in an honest and open fashion, without judgement, is one of the most powerful ways to make somebody feel affectionate towards you.

Number five – good communication

Communicate your love to your partner. You see, the interesting thing about communication is that most of us aren’t very good at it.

falling love again
Good communication outside the bedroom leads to good communication inside the bedroom – and, inevitably – better sex.

When somebody talks to us, particularly if they have a complaint or suggestion about how we might improve our lives, we tend to take it as a reflection on us in a personal way.

Therefore, cultivating the art of simply listening with an open heart, and not judging your partner as they discharge whatever emotion they need to speak, can be a very powerful way of removing tension between you ….. and, once again, contributing to that wonderful feeling of falling in love with each other.

And here, it’s important for men especially to get used to talking about feelings. Men, you really have to communicate feelings to your woman, because although you may prefer to avoid feelings,  when a man falls in love with a woman, she really expects him to explain to her how he’s feeling, and, perhaps even more difficult for most men, she expects him to empathize with her.

This isn’t about fixing problems, it isn’t about fixing her because there’s something wrong with her! No, it’s about simply listening to her in a way that shows your respect and allows her to discharge the emotion she feels and to think through problems so she can reach her own solutions.

To sum up: clear communication is one of the most powerful ways of showing anybody how much you appreciate them, and how much you love.

Number six: openness and honesty

Any relationship depends on openness and honesty.

But men in particular seem to find it easier to dissemble or even be disingenuous towards their partner; but it’s not about trying overly to deceive them.

It’s about having an easy life, knowing that if a woman hears some things she doesn’t like from a man, no matter how much she might love him, she is likely to engage in a kind of penetrating, questioning discourse to find out what the facts are.

Men really don’t like this, perhaps partly because they regard themselves a competent problem solvers, and they don’t want the hassle – as they see it – of a conversation about something they feel perfectly capable of solving on their own.

But it’s important to understand that this is NOT how a woman sees it. Men should not get caught up in the notion – in fact we think it’s a cultural notion – that it’s never necessary to seek help if you’re with a loving partner, that it’s better to trust your own abilities.

Men, truth is that your partner actually wants you to tell her the truth, and to share what is on your mind – particularly for a woman, this sharing establishes closeness, love and affection.

In communicating with your partner, it’s important, as I mentioned above, to find a way of not being triggered into an emotional place by regarding what they say as a judgement about you.

Number seven: love comes in many forms

Find out how your partner wants to express love.

Yes, this is a radical idea for many people, but it’s important! You won’t know anything about the psychology of how long it takes to fall in love unless you actually know which form of interaction your partner sees as a loving gesture.

So, for example, could it be that your partner regards acts of service as a demonstration of love? Or could it be that your partner feels that when you do something for them you are demonstrating your love for him or her? And sometimes people need physical touch demonstrate love, or they need to be reassured by receiving gifts which, to them, demonstrate their partner’s love.

Men seem to forget that women really need physical affection as a demonstration of love, especially kissing and hugging. And if this is spontaneous, and unexpected, so much the better – sometimes a woman will be rejuvenated by the affection of a man reaching out for her.

Of course, women might want to remember that men find physical connection somewhat difficult sometimes.

In general, it’s fair to say that most men find physical demonstrations of affection such as kissing, loving and hugging less important than women – so if you want to make a guy fall in love with you, make sure you’ve established exactly what he sees as the way someone shows their love.

Women, making a guy fall for you isn’t difficult, but it does require you to have some understanding of why humans fall in love, and in particular how to make a particular man feel loving towards you.

The Nature Of Love

Dr Helen Fisher of Rutgers University has spent a lot of time investigating the nature of romantic love. She’s even written books with such forthright titles as “Why We Love“.

Since she has spent so much time understanding love and investigating what function it serves for us, it’s worth looking at an interview she conducted with www.chemistry.com a while back to see what it can tell us – if anything – about the nature of love between men and women.

Love is…..

She starts by making the observation that love seems to be one of three systems all of which are related to the function of reproduction.

As you might have guessed, the human sex drive is a motivational factor – it propels men and women to look for partners with whom they can have sex.

Then there’s romantic love – probably a human evolutionary trait designed to ensure that a prolonged pair bond will be a safe environment in which to raise children.

And a third factor is attachment – which is something to do establishing a sense of security, and seems to be involved in both the infant-parent bond, and the romantic connection between adults who are in a romantic relationship.

Video Helen Fisher – Why People Fall in Love

Naturally enough, one of the obvious questions about love is why it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world.

And the answer, according to Dr Fisher, is simple: it’s to do with the brain circuits which register pleasure. They respond to a chemical called dopamine, which is produced when you are in love. It’s a sense of euphoria, of being on a high. Biologically speaking, romantic love, infatuation, romance, obsession – it’s similar to taking cocaine.

Love at first sight is a concept that we’ve all heard of, but few of us have probably experienced in a serious way.

We are, in truth, more accustomed to thinking of infatuation at first sight, rather than love first sight. And it turns out that Dr Fisher agrees with this concept – she says that it’s responsible for the urgent sense of reproduction to which animals must respond to to ensure the survival of the species.

But generally timing is much more important for us humans. Timing, that is, in the sense of the appropriate moment to fall in love: you might pass your perfect partner in the street, but if you’re in a rush on the way to work, you might not even notice them.

By contrast, when you’re in a place and time where you have the opportunity to look around and see who might be a suitable mate, you’re much more likely to notice somebody to whom you are attracted, and who potentially might fall in love with you.

Now one of the most important questions – particularly for this blog, which, after all, is abouthow you can make a man fall in love with you – is whether or not there’s anything we can do to make a person fall for us. By extension, of course, you may wonder if there is anything you can do to yourself to make you fall in love with another person.

And there is! You can do something new together.And I’d add to that – you can do something dangerous together.

You see, plenty of experiments have shown that novelty, excitement, and adrenalin all increase the level of dopamine and noradrenalin in the brain.

These are neurotransmitters, and they are associated with all the traits of romantic love such as focused attention, energy, excitement and so on.

Video – Helen Fisher on Understanding Men

What this means is that as you do exciting things with another human being, your brain chemistry actually tips into a place where you’re predisposed to fall in love with somebody.

But what about falling out of love?

We have all been rejected and then found ourselves obsessing about our beloved ex-partner, the one who has rejected us.

(Interestingly enough, by paying more attention to what’s happened in the past and the trauma that you experienced, rather than what you hope to have in the future, you can actually retraumatize yourself and make things even worse.)

The answer seems to be a complete break: don’t call, don’t write, don’t speak, think or even keep anything that reminds you of your ex. And take exercise, find a new interest.

Of course this seems like banal advice, but when you think about it, this makes perfect sense – people who are in limerence, i.e. obsessive infatuation, are told that a complete break is needed for recovery. That’s like all addictions, I guess. (If you really feel you want to get your ex back, then there are plenty of places on the Internet where you can go for advice.)

Lots of people have asked about the difference between love and lust.

Lust is the sex drive, and it dissipates after having sex because it’s been satiated. But it returns after a certain period of time. You can feel lust for several people at once, but you don’t feel jealous.

As you know, when you’re in love, you don’t usually feel love for several people at once (though if you do, you’re likely to have emotional “challenges”!)

Being in love is something that instinctively evokes jealousy and possessiveness.

And if you have sex while you’re in love, you’re likely to experience an increase in romantic feelings for your partner.

Conversely, it turns out that having casual sex or sex with somebody you merely like, can trigger loving feelings. Again, it’s all to do with brain chemistry and the high levels of dopamine produced after orgasm.

So, on a slightly facetious level, if you want to know how to make a man fall in love with you, then going to bed with him might be one way of making him want you a whole lot more!

On a serious level, there’s no doubt that one major factor which helps men fall in love with women is making love. And equally, a good sex life can make your husband fall in love with you again if your relationship has gone stale. According to Dr Fisher, this is also about brain chemistry and the high levels of dopamine produced after orgasm.

How long does love last?

Well, as you’ve probably observed, that first intense period of infatuation can last for anything from one to three years. Then it gradually begins to subside.

Conventionally we think of infatuation as being replaced by companionate love or affection.

But Dr Fisher makes the point that if two people really are compatible for life, there are many ways in which they can renew their romance. Sex is a good way to trigger romantic love. Novelty, too, can spur romance. It’s a matter of intention and desire – that is to say, having both the intention to renew the relationship and a desire to do so.

At this point, you probably understand the significance of “chemistry” in a relationship. I guess chemistry can be described as mutual attraction on both the physical and emotional levels – but the point is that when you have true chemistry with another person, passion can erupt unexpectedly out of nowhere, and this can lead to the reinforcement of the relationship.

By the way, if you wondering how to make a man fall in love with you, then you should know that a woman’s appearance is important to man. Men are visual. And for women, status and success are important in choosing a mate.

What advice does Dr Fisher have that might be relevant to all of us?

She’s certainly on the ball with the statement that many people marry too quickly, soon after they have fallen in love, and before they’ve really got to know their partner’s personality.

Indeed, she suggests people might wait until the first flush of romantic love dies, so they can truly see their partner for who they really are before they get married.

How To Make A Guy Fall In Love

One of the things that I often hear women say about men is “Oh, you’re so shallow!”

It’s a disparaging comment, but there’s truth in it – at least to the extent that men are less emotionally articulate than women.

Why? Because men are very goal oriented – they see an objective, and they set out to get it, and their satisfaction often comes from that simple act. Complex emotional thinking is something that most men are not especially good at – it’s a biological thing, we’re not wired for it, and it has to be learned.

Women tend to find emotional connection and interplay much easier than men do.

So one of the things women need to understand about male attraction is that as far as men are concerned, the first attraction a man feels to a woman is often purely physical.

man and woman in bed
Like it or not, often the first attraction is purely physical.

Sure, sometimes you will meet men who are more sophisticated than this, and who find your conversation, your personality, your qualities – perhaps compassion, empathy and understanding – to their taste, but in the general run of things, men are initially attracted to a woman because of what she looks like.

However, what women tend not to understand about this is that a man is often attracted to one aspect of her appearance, not the whole package.

To sum it up: while you might find it disappointing, there’s got to be a spark of chemistry – which means there’s got to be a sense of mutual attraction. For a man, in the early stages, this is likely to be physical.

Having said that, he’s going to start talking to you very soon if he’s at all attracted to you, so he can establish whether or not his attraction goes beyond the superficial (i.e. the physical).

The First Attraction Tested

Before a man starts to get more deeply involved with woman, he often throws out little clues, questions and signals – nothing like flirting, this is basically a sensitive and discreet way of establishing whether or not you will accept him if he actually puts himself out there and starts making advances.

Why? Well, as you know, nothing is more humiliating and self-destructive to the self-esteem of a man than being rejected by a woman.

So if a woman doesn’t really respond to a man, or rejects him by not responding to his initial advances, it won’t mean much to him, and he’ll move on to somebody else’s court’s attention.

And that’s actually a pretty standard pattern. Sure, it’s mechanistic, it’s impersonal, but it does avoid the hurt of being rejected. In the main, anyway. LOL.

Having established that you’re interested in him, by some positive response you’ve given to his signals, a man’s now going to start what we all understand as “the Chase”.

All men (except gay men, I guess) are strongly programmed to chase women – to seduce them, to woo them, to get them “onside”, no matter what the cost and effort involved.

When he wins you, having chased you, seduced you, and wooed you, he’s going to feel like a million dollars. That’s because he’s deeply affirmed in his masculinity.

Equally, while you’re being chased by a man, (provided of course that he’s not creepy and stalking you), you’re going to feel fabulous, because his attention, his effort, the gifts he buys you, the presents he showers on you, and the attention he lavishes on you will make you feel like the most desirable woman on earth.

computer keyboard outlining word sex
Hate to say it ladies, but you know why he’s chasing you? It’s Mother Nature’s desire for you to be – yes, carrying his baby.

In a situation like this, a woman might already be falling in love, but men – well, men take a lot longer to fall in love than women.

So when he’s planning dates, flooding you with gifts, and generally doing everything he can think of to make you happy and impress you, he’s probably not yet in love. You are his current project.

For him, the investment of his love is dependent on a woman not only returning his love but also demonstrating that she is going to be a worthy companion – loyal, trustworthy, faithful, supportive… All those juicy qualities that you can imagine just as well as the man who’s been chasing you.

Here, the man is expressing his ardent desire to be in a partnership with you, and he wants you to show him that you love him.

Gaining love and commitment from you is the highest achievement he knows – at least in interpersonal relationships.

So basically what’s happening is a one-sided relationship in which he is worrying about how he can make you fall in love with him. If he starts trying to show you his relationship skills, he’s doing what all men have done throughout time: offering you a sign that he really would make a good lifelong partner.

And if you happen to agree that there’s a future relationship here, this is definitely the time when you need to show him that you love him (or could do), if you haven’t already done so.

But – there’s a problem now. He wasn’t actually being 100% himself, because he was engaging in a genetically controlled game of making you love him.

And of course, he doesn’t really know you yet: he just made a decision to pursue you because of his initial attraction and your acceptance of his initial advances. Oh dear.

So now you have to get to know each other in a way that is real. Meanwhile, he is still deciding whether or not you’re the person he really wants to be with, and he’s also working out whether he loves you. Not only that but he’s also working out whether you want to make him love you, and generally whether or not you’re going to be happy together.

If you’re confused, I’m not surprised. And you thought this was just about knowing how to make a man love you!

You see, from a man’s perspective, the woman he settles down with has to be perfect. He is effectively sacrificing his opportunity to spread his seed around (leaving more offspring) by settling down with one woman, so she’s got to prove that she has qualities which make up for the loss of this opportunity to mate with other women.

And here is where hearts can be broken: for no obvious reason at this stage a man might dump a woman. (The non-obvious reason being he’s decided you’re not the right woman to settle down with.)

But on the other hand, if he accepts you as a potential mate, now he’s ready to give love a serious try.

And for the next few months, you’ll be deeply in love with each other. He will let himself fall right into his feelings of love for you.

You won’t even need to know how to make your man love you, nor at this stage will you need to find out ways to make him love and want you.

Because right now, in the phase of limerence, he doesn’t want to be with anybody else, and he feels as if he’s never fallen in love with anybody as strongly as he’s fallen in love with you. In fact, he might even be contemplating marriage and a long-term future together.

Did you ever think that it was this easy to make a boy fall in love with you? LOL.

However, at some level he is deciding whether or not he’s going to fall permanently in love with you and then stay in love with you.

A part of him probably already knows the absolute truth about whether or not you’re the ideal woman for him, but basically he’s not going to allow that part to show itself until he is certain what it’s telling him.

Advice For Women Who Want A Guy In Love

So here’s a clue for you about what you can do to make love even more certain: hold back – when he’s pursuing you and he’s obviously in love with you, don’t give in to all of his advances.

Don’t say “I love you” every time you meet, or agree to every date or meeting he arranges.

When you put up a bit of resistance, when you withdraw slightly, he’ll pursue you even harder, and as he does so he will fall for you more deeply than you could possibly imagine.

Of course, if you overdo it, he’s going to be really frustrated – and he might just decide his options are better elsewhere.

So if you want to make a man fall in love with you, you have to judge this just right. But then, as a woman, with generations of female ancestors behind you, all helping you and guiding in spirit, you  already know exactly what you have to do to make a man fall for you, so there’s not much doubt that you can get the guy you want.

Falling In Love Again

One of the complaints that women level against men on a regular basis is how little men understand women and their feelings.

But oddly enough, nobody really ever stops to ask the opposite question: do women understand men?

Video – Men and Women

In particular, do women know how to make a man fall in love with them?

Judging by one guy’s account of his experiences dating what he describes as “countless women”, they do not. So here, straight from the mouth of a man who’s dated a lot of women, are the tips, tricks, and information that women looking to catch a man and make him fall in love, might like to know.

To start with, this guy makes the observation that while a woman’s love can grow over a period of time from an unpromising start, perhaps even from complete indifference, the men dating these women seem to be less attached and less involved as time goes by.

Why is this?

To put it bluntly, the fact is men tend not to fall in love gradually, and they tend not to fall in love with women who don’t capture their attention in the first place. There’s a lot of scientific evidence to show that men fall in love more deeply, more quickly, and more intensely than women do.

How to fall in love with a man
How do you make a man fall in love with you?

In a way of course, that makes perfect sense, because a woman’s got a lot more to lose if she gets pregnant than a man has.

It’s understandable that a woman would be biologically programmed to take time in selecting a mate, and perhaps even to even to “test” a man’s faithfulness before finally deciding to take the plunge and enter into a relationship with him.

But what about falling in love? Why such a difference between the sexes?

Why are so many women writing to Internet sites asking for advice on how to make a man fall in love with them?

Just to make it clear – we’re talking about falling in love: not the short term experience of lust.

This guy says he thinks men can fall in love more quickly than women because the information a man needs to trigger his feelings of romantic love are readily available to him. For example, a man can see what a woman looks like (physical appearance is important), and he can judge what her personality, mood and energy are like in a relatively short space of time.

And indeed, a woman’s political views, religious views, social class and other issues that might be of interest to a potential mate are also something you can pick up from a quick conversation.

So what is it, that women need to find out about a man before they can “fall in love”, and why does it take more time?

What is it, in essence, the woman needs to know about a man before she can fall in love with him?

And how does all this relate to a woman’s ability to make a man fall in love with her?

It seems that for many women, there are some very specific factors at play here: a man’s emotional stability, and his personal strength in challenging situations, in particular.

And these are the kind of things a woman would only get to know about by knowing a man for some time. So if these are romantic triggers – that’s to say, triggers for romantic love for women – then yes, you can see how a woman might need to take time before
deciding that a certain man would be a suitable mate for her.

father and young son enjoying a joke
A man might also have to show he would be good at child rearing before a woman would permit herself to fall in love with him.

Other factors which be important in allowing women to fall in love with a man include their judgments about his intelligence, confidence and competence.

And finally, and most controversially, there is commitment.

We know that in general women want long-term relationships; they want commitment; and they want to get married.

However, for many men, the idea of commitment to a long-term relationship is quite frightening.

There many reasons for that, but I suspect one of the main ones is that commitment to a long-term relationship with one same woman seems to fly in the face of a man’s biological and genetic programming. (It’s all unconscious, remember.)

That is to say, a man’s best reproductive strategy might well be to have sex with as many women as possible. This way, he spreads his sperm around as much as he can.

But for a woman the best reproductive strategy is to settle down with one man will stay around to provide for her and her children and protect them so they have the best chance of living to adulthood.

We’re in the area of biological determinism here, or at least it would seem that way. So what can we take from this to help a woman decide whether a man is suitable for her in the longer-term?

One thing: a woman needs to recognize whether a man’s falling for her in the first few weeks of them knowing each other.

If a man doesn’t look like he’s falling love after a few weeks, he’s probably not going to do so at all.

What Women Need To Keep In Mind

A woman who wants to get married must understand the mindset of the average man.

From a physical point of view, women are probably most attractive between their mid-20s and their mid-30s. This is the time that matters. Outside this age range, women are seen as less desirable by men.

So waiting for a man to fall in love with you, or waiting to get married, counts for nothing if you wait for the wrong man to propose – but he never does – and then you’re out of your peak period of attractiveness (not to mention fertility).

Which is why you have to be careful not to spend any time in relationships which are going nowhere.

And why you have to be discerning about which men you try to make fall in love with you.

For a woman in her mid to late 20s, dating a man for four years without him proposing seems extraordinary.

Of course women in this situation have usually fallen in love with a man, and they’re waiting for him to fall in love with them. And if you’re one of them, and you don’t know any particular strategies that will make a man fall in love with you, you may still be hopeful and continue to wait. And wait. And wait….

However, as we observed above, most men who are going to fall in love will do so quickly if they are going to do so at all.

So from a purely practical point of view, any woman who finds herself in a long-term relationship with the years passing by with no sign of commitment from the man, should probably make a calculated decision about whether or not to stay in the relationship.

Like it will not, as women age, their desirability on the marriage market reduces (at least in the eyes of younger men).

And we can pretty reasonably assume that for most women, and indeed perhaps for most men, marriage is predicated on romantic love.

So to date a man without being reasonably sure that there’s a chance of him falling in love with you (at least after the time when you’ve decided you can fall in love with him) seems shortsighted and self-defeating.

The Nature of Commitment

Bear in mind that when we talk about a man having commitment “problems”, what this really means is the man is thinking: “I don’t want to settle down.”

It’s no use a woman complaining about a man’s “commitment problems”. The truth is if that’s how a man feels, that’s perfectly acceptable.

You see, the problem might really be in a woman’s mind, that she’s putting up with a man who is NOT prepared to commit and she’s complaining about it because she thinks he should!

She might well be in love with him, and she might want him to make him fall in love with her, but if he isn’t going to commit, then she’s wasting her time and energy in every way – especially when she’s complaining about his inability to commit (or men’s general inability to commit).

To say that men have commitment problems is almost like saying they have no right to choose how to run their relationships.

Women need to look much more at their role in these issues.

And considering how much men are consumed by their desire for sex, it’s unsurprising that they’ll continue to string along a woman without commitment for as long as they can provided she’s willing to have sex with them.

The dynamic here is all about a woman empowering herself so she can move on and get what she wants. That way, she’s no longer putting itself in the “victim” position of waiting for the man to decide it’s time to commit to her.

That way, she can find a man who will fall in love with her, or who she can charm and seduce. After all, women have a long ancestral line of mothers, sisters and grandmothers, all of whom depended on men for support, and all of whom knew how to make a man fall in love with you. Draw on that knowledge and you can do it too.

Fantastic Ways To Flirt

Here are five fantastic ways to flirt, ways to flirt which are effective, which can get the man you want to fall in love with you, to err…well, fall in love with you!

These flirting techniques have been identified by scientists and demonstrated to work! So let’s find out what they are!

First and foremost, as you might well know, is eye contact.

Elsewhere we talked about the “copulatory gaze”, which is definitely something you’ll recognize if you’ve ever made sexy, seductive eye contact with a man for a long time…. although do remember that “long” in this context is about two or three seconds – anything longer than that can seem aggressive or threatening.

How to get a guy to want you
Body language reveals a lot about how you are feeling!

The next thing thing is body language. We’ve all seen those statistics about how much of what you communicate comes through your body language, yes? Point being, you can really tell when a man’s interested in you by his body language. More important: you can give the message to him that you’re interested in him.

There’s another clear communication system you need to know: body posture. Work it right, flirt with a man in the right way, present the right body posture, and he will be yours before you know it!

Then there’s touching – you know how much you like to be touched by somebody you love?

Guess what? Scientists have discovered touching is a crucial element of flirting behaviour: OK, this might not be big news to you, but bear it in mind for the future when you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you.

Feel the touch of the man you love
Feel the (intimate) touch of the man you love!

There’s friendly touching, like a handshake, there’s touching which builds intimacy, like holding hands, or touching a man’s forearm, or an arm around the waist, and there’s touching which demonstrates affection, like a gentle caress of the face while you’re making love. (Oops, perhaps we’re moving a bit fast here.)

But there’s real power in this – you can mirror the body language of a man you’re interested in to show him your interest, and you can tell if he’s interested in you by watching if he’s doing the same thing to in return.

Fantastic, a communication system you don’t even have to think about!

Then there’s withdrawal. You know this one, I guess! If you’re flirting with a man, and you’ve got his interest, suddenly stop and gently withdraw… either change the conversation or leave. You’ll make him develop a really strong interest in you. You might even make him decide to pursue you….

These things work because they play on a part of the brain which is very basic – the limbic system. This is the most primitive and primeval part of the brain, programmed (among other things) to respond to signals from other people – it’s both impulsive and instinctual. It’s responsible for our core experiences of lust, desire, and mutual sexual attraction. Aha!

Sometimes acting for your good, sometimes not, this part of your brain holds much more power over your behavior and interests and actions than the cortex, which is the thinking part of your brain.

But here’s the thing – by consciously choosing to engage in behaviors which activate the limbic system, you can attract a man’s attention and have him falling for you before he even knows what’s happened! So…..

The warm friendly smile of a woman is something which seduces most men in a fraction of a second, because it says you’re in an open mood, inviting and approachable.

A man’s natural reaction is to respond to a woman’s smile with another smile – this makes the man feel equally friendly and open. Good for you! And what’s more, it doesn’t really matter what yoursmile is like, so you don’t have to have perfect white teeth! Men will respond to your smile with interest just because they’re programmed to do that.

Of course you need good body language and good posture too. These are really important – they communicate confidence, power and stability, all factors which attract men. Good body language isn’t just about how you’re standing, but also about how you’re moving….. hopefully with deliberate purpose in a self-assured way – you know the kind of thing I mean, I’m sure.

In fact, it’s the sort of thing you’d expect in the man you wanted to make fall in love with you (or at least to have him like you)….. so keep your head, shoulders, hips and knees and ankles in a vertical line, and keep your weight distributed evenly over your feet. If you want to impress a man – or should we say attract a man? – of course you can thrust out your breasts, and offer more sexualized signals. However, simply keeping your body posture “open” and friendly is an invitation for any man to get to know you better.

Master simple techniques like these and you’ll be able to make any guy you want fall for you – and maybe even make that man fall in love with you!

The Male Viewpoint

What is Love?

Who knows whether men and women feel love in the same way? Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t.

But one thing we do know is this: the delight, joy and happiness (and other emotions, too) which women feel when they fall in love are not the same experience a man goes through when he falls in love.

So for women who are curious about the process of “falling in love” as a man experiences it, here’s some interesting information which might be helpful if you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you.

What Comes First? Love Or Attraction?

It’s been said that the first thing to spark a man’s interest in a woman is physical attraction: not necessarily her overall appearance, but maybe something in particular about her – her breasts, ass, legs, whatever.

This is complete rubbish: the truth is very different. Men like women for whom they feel a sense of attraction, what’s been popularly known as “chemistry” or a “spark”. And this isn’t just physical.

attraction and love
Is love and attraction just physical or is it physical and emotional?

The reality is that unless a man feels some attraction – and yes, that’s both physical and emotional attraction, rather than either separately – then things are not likely to go any further. (Unless, that is, a woman’s determined to make her man fall in love with her, in which case he might be unable to resist her charms and wiles.)

It’s also possible that men don’t stop to think about what’s attracting them to a woman, that they simply respond to their internal sense of interest, and start acting out of “I like you and I want to get to know you better”. (Yes, of course sex is at the back of their minds. Always. But then, what’s at the back of your mind? Romance, sex, marriage, babies? What’s the difference?)

Next, a man is going to make some small advances (or sometimes large advances – “Would you like to go to bed with me?” being a common one) which are designed to work out whether or not a woman is interested in him, wants to get to know him better, and will respond to his advances.

Of course, what he doesn’t know is that she’s thinking about how to make someone fall in love with you!

It’s been said that the male ego is a fragile thing and men don’t like rejection – and it’s (mostly) absolutely true.

Men are terrified of being turned down by a woman – at least many of them are.

fear of rejection when falling in love
Don’t fall for the line that pickup artists or “players” have something special to offer – they’ve just learned how to overcome their fear of rejection.

(The difference between the ordinary man in the street and the pickup artists, who’ve gained a degree of notoriety on the Internet, is that a pickup artist knows that finding a woman who’s interested in him is a numbers game, and any man who wants to be successful needs to just “get over” rejection.)

For most men, rejection is a blow to their sexual self-esteem and sexual self-confidence – it takes most men a great deal of courage to approach a woman for the first time, which is why small advances, without much apparent commitment, are a useful way to test whether or not a woman is interested.

If a woman responds to these small overtures in a way that suggests she might be interested in a man (and we’re not talking about anything like her falling in love, or him trying to find out how to make a girl fall in love with him, at this stage), then he begins to focus his attention on her.

And small advances really are small advances.  A man doesn’t need much confirmation that woman is interested in him for him to start flirting or pressing his case.

And here’s the thing: once a man has this confirmation, he moves on to the chase – which can be very exciting indeed for a man. In fact, the chase is what a man is designed to do: to seduce and woo a woman, until she is convinced – perhaps after an initial period of “resistance” on her part – that he is indeed going to be faithful and true.

It’s a kind of biological game plan seen in many species, where the female resists the advances of the male until he has proved himself worthy. And it’s probably also the fundamental human pattern during the “I’m getting to know you” phase.

excitement of the chase
Who’s doing the chasing and who’s being chased in the male – female dating game?

I guess women may find it hard to understand the importance of the chase for a man. It’s biologically programmed, so it’s very rewarding for him to win a woman’s attention. Winning a woman is an affirmation of his masculinity at the deepest level: and it’s why some men become so persistent in their efforts to woo a woman they like the look of.

And of course it merges into the “I’m going to impress you phase” where a man will do everything in his power to show that he is worthy of a woman.

The gifts flow in, the flowers arrive in huge bunches, the dates and evenings out come thick and fast. This stage may make a woman feel a man is demonstrating enough of what makes a man a man for her to start thinking what to do when a guy likes you.

And, assuming there is some sort of relationship developing (he has tested her interest and she has responded positively; he has chased her and she has allowed herself to play the game), he moves into a phase which has been called the “I want you to love me” phase.

At this stage it’s possible some women will already have fallen in love, but it’s not likely many men will be deeply in love.

A man has to shift into the “I want you to love me” phase; he wants to know that “his” woman loves him, before he’s ready to fall in love.

In essence, she has to make him want her, as any woman knows. Happily, a man’s fervent desire to demonstrate he’s going to be good in relationship – and a good and faithful lover – can sweep a woman off her feet.

So, when a woman responds by clearly expressing some feelings of attraction, a man is then well aware he’s gained a woman’s commitment and love.

This is where things get serious, requiring both the man and the woman to decide and / or demonstrate whether they’re interested in taking the relationship any further.

And this is where women (and men) can get their hearts broken, because in the excitement of the chase, a man may have been acting some role or other; not exactly being dishonest about who he is, but perhaps not showing himself fully.

And yes, while he’s been busy chasing a woman, a man might not have stopped to consider whether she’s absolutely right for him, or whether he and the woman he’s pursued and caught are really able to fall in love….

You see, as soon as a man starts to wonder whether there’s a real relationship on the cards, a whole number of factors switch on in his mind – things which probably haven’t been in play up to this point.

He starts to ask himself “Do I love her”? “Do I want to be with her?” “Will I be happy with her?”

He may get cold feet about the thought of commitment – but it’s ridiculous to dismiss all men as commitment-phobes.

You have to understand there’s a biological drive in men, as there is in so many male animals, to spread sperm around rather settle down and bring up children with one particular mate.

Men’s “commitment phobia”, as it’s called, isn’t based on meanness or a desire to manipulate women.

Making a man fall in love
One thing for a relationship, but….
What's required in bed may be different to what's required in a long term relaitonship
…what a woman wants in her bedmate may be different to what she requires in a long term relationship. It’s in the genetic code.

So, male promiscuity is a biological program, just as a woman’s desire to mate with an alpha male but to settle down and raise children with a long-term committed partner is a biological drive.

These are things that act far below the level of consciousness, and it’s demeaning to both male and female genders to blame each other for unconscious acts that seem designed to hurt or betray.

At the same time, we do have a higher level of consciousness than all other mammals, and it’s incumbent on each and every one of us to behave with courtesy and consideration to our mates and dates.

All in all, a woman must look like the perfect candidate to be a man’s partner before he’ll consider settling down with her. Yet here’s the thing: a woman can demonstrate her suitability by behaving in certain ways.

And here, a woman can get what she wants – because a woman fundamentally knows how to make a man like her more. Most women, if they’re honest about it, would admit they know how to get their boyfriend to fall in love with them.

By behaving in a certain way, a woman can work on a man’s desire for a perfectly matched partner. Her feminine wiles give her the power to do this.

But – if a man decides he doesn’t want to be with a woman, this is when the dumping happens. On the other hand, if he comes to believe he’s in the right relationship with the right woman, then he’ll give “falling in love” a try.

And because men like to be wholehearted and committed in everything they do – action and achievement being everything for a man! – he’s probably going to throw himself wholeheartedly into the relationship and feel overwhelmed with love for you.

This is the point at which he’s going to start taking care of you, protecting you, and perhaps acting jealously.