What is Love?
Who knows whether men and women feel love in the same way? Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t.
But one thing we do know is this: the delight, joy and happiness (and other emotions, too) which women feel when they fall in love are not the same experience a man goes through when he falls in love.
So for women who are curious about the process of “falling in love” as a man experiences it, here’s some interesting information which might be helpful if you’re trying to make a man fall in love with you.
What Comes First? Love Or Attraction?
It’s been said that the first thing to spark a man’s interest in a woman is physical attraction: not necessarily her overall appearance, but maybe something in particular about her – her breasts, ass, legs, whatever.
This is complete rubbish: the truth is very different. Men like women for whom they feel a sense of attraction, what’s been popularly known as “chemistry” or a “spark”. And this isn’t just physical.
The reality is that unless a man feels some attraction – and yes, that’s both physical and emotional attraction, rather than either separately – then things are not likely to go any further. (Unless, that is, a woman’s determined to make her man fall in love with her, in which case he might be unable to resist her charms and wiles.)
It’s also possible that men don’t stop to think about what’s attracting them to a woman, that they simply respond to their internal sense of interest, and start acting out of “I like you and I want to get to know you better”. (Yes, of course sex is at the back of their minds. Always. But then, what’s at the back of your mind? Romance, sex, marriage, babies? What’s the difference?)
Next, a man is going to make some small advances (or sometimes large advances – “Would you like to go to bed with me?” being a common one) which are designed to work out whether or not a woman is interested in him, wants to get to know him better, and will respond to his advances.
Of course, what he doesn’t know is that she’s thinking about how to make someone fall in love with you!
It’s been said that the male ego is a fragile thing and men don’t like rejection – and it’s (mostly) absolutely true.
Men are terrified of being turned down by a woman – at least many of them are.
(The difference between the ordinary man in the street and the pickup artists, who’ve gained a degree of notoriety on the Internet, is that a pickup artist knows that finding a woman who’s interested in him is a numbers game, and any man who wants to be successful needs to just “get over” rejection.)
For most men, rejection is a blow to their sexual self-esteem and sexual self-confidence – it takes most men a great deal of courage to approach a woman for the first time, which is why small advances, without much apparent commitment, are a useful way to test whether or not a woman is interested.
If a woman responds to these small overtures in a way that suggests she might be interested in a man (and we’re not talking about anything like her falling in love, or him trying to find out how to make a girl fall in love with him, at this stage), then he begins to focus his attention on her.
And small advances really are small advances. A man doesn’t need much confirmation that woman is interested in him for him to start flirting or pressing his case.
And here’s the thing: once a man has this confirmation, he moves on to the chase – which can be very exciting indeed for a man. In fact, the chase is what a man is designed to do: to seduce and woo a woman, until she is convinced – perhaps after an initial period of “resistance” on her part – that he is indeed going to be faithful and true.
It’s a kind of biological game plan seen in many species, where the female resists the advances of the male until he has proved himself worthy. And it’s probably also the fundamental human pattern during the “I’m getting to know you” phase.
I guess women may find it hard to understand the importance of the chase for a man. It’s biologically programmed, so it’s very rewarding for him to win a woman’s attention. Winning a woman is an affirmation of his masculinity at the deepest level: and it’s why some men become so persistent in their efforts to woo a woman they like the look of.
And of course it merges into the “I’m going to impress you phase” where a man will do everything in his power to show that he is worthy of a woman.
The gifts flow in, the flowers arrive in huge bunches, the dates and evenings out come thick and fast. This stage may make a woman feel a man is demonstrating enough of what makes a man a man for her to start thinking what to do when a guy likes you.
And, assuming there is some sort of relationship developing (he has tested her interest and she has responded positively; he has chased her and she has allowed herself to play the game), he moves into a phase which has been called the “I want you to love me” phase.
At this stage it’s possible some women will already have fallen in love, but it’s not likely many men will be deeply in love.
A man has to shift into the “I want you to love me” phase; he wants to know that “his” woman loves him, before he’s ready to fall in love.
In essence, she has to make him want her, as any woman knows. Happily, a man’s fervent desire to demonstrate he’s going to be good in relationship – and a good and faithful lover – can sweep a woman off her feet.
So, when a woman responds by clearly expressing some feelings of attraction, a man is then well aware he’s gained a woman’s commitment and love.
This is where things get serious, requiring both the man and the woman to decide and / or demonstrate whether they’re interested in taking the relationship any further.
And this is where women (and men) can get their hearts broken, because in the excitement of the chase, a man may have been acting some role or other; not exactly being dishonest about who he is, but perhaps not showing himself fully.
And yes, while he’s been busy chasing a woman, a man might not have stopped to consider whether she’s absolutely right for him, or whether he and the woman he’s pursued and caught are really able to fall in love….
You see, as soon as a man starts to wonder whether there’s a real relationship on the cards, a whole number of factors switch on in his mind – things which probably haven’t been in play up to this point.
He starts to ask himself “Do I love her”? “Do I want to be with her?” “Will I be happy with her?”
He may get cold feet about the thought of commitment – but it’s ridiculous to dismiss all men as commitment-phobes.
You have to understand there’s a biological drive in men, as there is in so many male animals, to spread sperm around rather settle down and bring up children with one particular mate.
Men’s “commitment phobia”, as it’s called, isn’t based on meanness or a desire to manipulate women.
So, male promiscuity is a biological program, just as a woman’s desire to mate with an alpha male but to settle down and raise children with a long-term committed partner is a biological drive.
These are things that act far below the level of consciousness, and it’s demeaning to both male and female genders to blame each other for unconscious acts that seem designed to hurt or betray.
At the same time, we do have a higher level of consciousness than all other mammals, and it’s incumbent on each and every one of us to behave with courtesy and consideration to our mates and dates.
All in all, a woman must look like the perfect candidate to be a man’s partner before he’ll consider settling down with her. Yet here’s the thing: a woman can demonstrate her suitability by behaving in certain ways.
And here, a woman can get what she wants – because a woman fundamentally knows how to make a man like her more. Most women, if they’re honest about it, would admit they know how to get their boyfriend to fall in love with them.
By behaving in a certain way, a woman can work on a man’s desire for a perfectly matched partner. Her feminine wiles give her the power to do this.
But – if a man decides he doesn’t want to be with a woman, this is when the dumping happens. On the other hand, if he comes to believe he’s in the right relationship with the right woman, then he’ll give “falling in love” a try.
And because men like to be wholehearted and committed in everything they do – action and achievement being everything for a man! – he’s probably going to throw himself wholeheartedly into the relationship and feel overwhelmed with love for you.
This is the point at which he’s going to start taking care of you, protecting you, and perhaps acting jealously.