Falling In Love (Again)

One of the complaints that women level against men on a regular basis is how little men understand women and their feelings.

But oddly enough, nobody really ever stops to ask the opposite question: do women understand men?

Video – Men and Women

In particular, do women know how to make a man fall in love with them?

Judging by one guy’s account of his experiences dating what he describes as “countless women”, they do not. So here, straight from the mouth of a man who’s dated a lot of women, are the tips, tricks, and information that women looking to catch a man and make him fall in love, might like to know.

To start with, this guy makes the observation that while a woman’s love can grow over a period of time from an unpromising start, perhaps even from complete indifference, the men dating these women seem to be less attached and less involved as time goes by.

Why is this?

To put it bluntly, the fact is men tend not to fall in love gradually, and they tend not to fall in love with women who don’t capture their attention in the first place. There’s a lot of scientific evidence to show that men fall in love more deeply, more quickly, and more intensely than women do.

How to fall in love with a man
How do you make a man fall in love with you?

In a way of course, that makes perfect sense, because a woman’s got a lot more to lose if she gets pregnant than a man has.

It’s understandable that a woman would be biologically programmed to take time in selecting a mate, and perhaps even to even to “test” a man’s faithfulness before finally deciding to take the plunge and enter into a relationship with him.

But what about falling in love? Why such a difference between the sexes?

Why are so many women writing to Internet sites asking for advice on how to make a man fall in love with them?

Just to make it clear – we’re talking about falling in love: not the short term experience of lust.

This guy says he thinks men can fall in love more quickly than women because the information a man needs to trigger his feelings of romantic love are readily available to him. For example, a man can see what a woman looks like (physical appearance is important), and he can judge what her personality, mood and energy are like in a relatively short space of time.

And indeed, a woman’s political views, religious views, social class and other issues that might be of interest to a potential mate are also something you can pick up from a quick conversation.

So what is it, that women need to find out about a man before they can “fall in love”, and why does it take more time? 

What is it, in essence, the woman needs to know about a man before she can fall in love with him?

And how does all this relate to a woman’s ability to make a man fall in love with her?

It seems that for many women, there are some very specific factors at play here: a man’s emotional stability, and his personal strength in challenging situations, in particular.

And these are the kind of things a woman would only get to know about by knowing a man for some time. So if these are romantic triggers – that’s to say, triggers for romantic love for women – then yes, you can see how a woman might need to take time before
deciding that a certain man would be a suitable mate for her.

father and young son enjoying a joke
A man might also have to show he would be good at child rearing before a woman would permit herself to fall in love with him.

Other factors which be important in allowing women to fall in love with a man include their judgments about his intelligence, confidence and competence.

And finally, and most controversially, there is commitment.

We know that in general women want long-term relationships; they want commitment; and they want to get married.

However, for many men, the idea of commitment to a long-term relationship is quite frightening.

There many reasons for that, but I suspect one of the main ones is that commitment to a long-term relationship with one same woman seems to fly in the face of a man’s biological and genetic programming. (It’s all unconscious, remember.)

That is to say, a man’s best reproductive strategy might well be to have sex with as many women as possible. This way, he spreads his sperm around as much as he can.

But for a woman the best reproductive strategy is to settle down with one man will stay around to provide for her and her children and protect them so they have the best chance of living to adulthood.

We’re in the area of biological determinism here, or at least it would seem that way. So what can we take from this to help a woman decide whether a man is suitable for her in the longer-term?

One thing: a woman needs to recognize whether a man’s falling for her in the first few weeks of them knowing each other.

If a man doesn’t look like he’s falling love after a few weeks, he’s probably not going to do so at all.

What Women Need To Keep In Mind

A woman who wants to get married must understand the mindset of the average man.

From a physical point of view, women are probably most attractive between their mid-20s and their mid-30s. This is the time that matters. Outside this age range, women are seen as less desirable by men.

So waiting for a man to fall in love with you, or waiting to get married, counts for nothing if you wait for the wrong man to propose – but he never does – and then you’re out of your peak period of attractiveness (not to mention fertility).

Which is why you have to be careful not to spend any time in relationships which are going nowhere.

And why you have to be discerning about which men you try to make fall in love with you.

For a woman in her mid to late 20s, dating a man for four years without him proposing seems extraordinary.

Of course women in this situation have usually fallen in love with a man, and they’re waiting for him to fall in love with them. And if you’re one of them, and you don’t know any particular strategies that will make a man fall in love with you, you may still be hopeful and continue to wait. And wait. And wait….

However, as we observed above, most men who are going to fall in love will do so quickly if they are going to do so at all.

So from a purely practical point of view, any woman who finds herself in a long-term relationship with the years passing by with no sign of commitment from the man, should probably make a calculated decision about whether or not to stay in the relationship.

Like it will not, as women age, their desirability on the marriage market reduces (at least in the eyes of younger men).

And we can pretty reasonably assume that for most women, and indeed perhaps for most men, marriage is predicated on romantic love.

So to date a man without being reasonably sure that there’s a chance of him falling in love with you (at least after the time when you’ve decided you can fall in love with him) seems shortsighted and self-defeating.

The Nature of Commitment

Bear in mind that when we talk about a man having commitment “problems”, what this really means is the man is thinking: “I don’t want to settle down.”

It’s no use a woman complaining about a man’s “commitment problems”. The truth is if that’s how a man feels, that’s perfectly acceptable.

You see, the problem might really be in a woman’s mind, that she’s putting up with a man who is NOT prepared to commit and she’s complaining about it because she thinks he should!

She might well be in love with him, and she might want him to make him fall in love with her, but if he isn’t going to commit, then she’s wasting her time and energy in every way – especially when she’s complaining about his inability to commit (or men’s general inability to commit).

To say that men have commitment problems is almost like saying they have no right to choose how to run their relationships.

Women need to look much more at their role in these issues.

And considering how much men are consumed by their desire for sex, it’s unsurprising that they’ll continue to string along a woman without commitment for as long as they can provided she’s willing to have sex with them.

The dynamic here is all about a woman empowering herself so she can move on and get what she wants. That way, she’s no longer putting itself in the “victim” position of waiting for the man to decide it’s time to commit to her.

That way, she can find a man who will fall in love with her, or who she can charm and seduce. After all, women have a long ancestral line of mothers, sisters and grandmothers, all of whom depended on men for support, and all of whom knew how to make a man fall in love with you. Draw on that knowledge and you can do it too.